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22
Nov 2009

Two years – so far, so good

By becky

Today is my son’s second birthday. Originally I wanted to write a beautiful tribute to everything he means to me (us).

Instead, I spent time just watching and enjoying him today.

Mid-morning, just before his nap, he sat on his little foam couch next to the toy box, his feet up in the air and resting on the side of the box. He grabbed a piece from his toy garage that is somewhat like a straw and was blowing into it, making noises. He’d pause every so often, throw his head back in glee and just laugh.

If I close my eyes, I can still picture the joy in his face. That big smile with the gapped teeth and dimples. Bright eyes, half closed in the middle of laughter.

That? Is the best part of my day every day. I am so grateful for every minute of the last two years. And I wouldn’t change a thing. Happy birthday, boobah. May you continue to bring joy to those around you.

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03
Nov 2009

Up Chuck!

By becky

One of the golden rules of babyhood. Never, ever, hold them over your head just after they’ve eaten.

Our son couldn’t have been more than four or five months old at the time. Daddy was playing with him, as he does. It’s so awesome to watch — a father with his child. He would hold him in the air, coo at him, then hold him close.

But one night it was a little closer to mealtime than was, well, safe. Daddy held the boy up above him, and the boy belched. And spit up.

Right into Daddy’s eyes and mouth. Ugh.

I cringe and laugh simultaneously every time I remember that. Maybe partially in relief that it wasn’t me. Ah, parenthood.

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29
Sep 2009

Mom as Jungle Gym, A Modern Art Piece

By becky

I was in the dining room, squatting down to look at something on the bottom shelf of our baker’s rack. I didn’t even see it coming.

Whack!

A very large car starts moving over my back and shoulders.

Wait, let me back up. My son is obsessed with cars. It’s really anything with wheels. If an object has wheels, he must have it.

Earlier this month, he threw a fit over a rain gauge that had a tractor on it. When I finally figured out what he wanted, I got it down for him. And then he threw a fit because the wheels wouldn’t move on the stupid thing. It was the funniest and most pitiful thing, all at the same time. He was so disappointed that the wheels were immobile.

So we have these cars (Ridemakerz, which we LOVE) that have been sitting on top of our stereo since last Christmas. After we got home from Missouri, the boy noticed them. As in, would not stop until we got them down for him. Point, whine. Point, stomp feet, whine. Repeat. I really don’t mind him playing with them, so I got them down for him.

And they have not left his side since. He even sleeps with them now. These cars are not small. They’re about 10-12 inches long. But he loves them and runs them all over the place.

Me, included.

So this car starts running across my back. I’m leaning over enough that he can balance the car on my shoulder and it will stay. So he leaves the car there so he can go get the other one. He brings it back and runs it all over my back, too.

I’m amused, but also glad there are no cameras around.

I think that I’m my son’s favorite playground. He’s constantly running his hot wheels cars all over me, too. Or when I’m laying in the floor, he crawls across me. Over. And over. And over.

So I’m a jungle gym. Or a car track. Or just a really soft play toy.

And I actually love every minute of it. Being a mom is so cool.

Category: family, parenting, spawn  Tags: , , , , , ,  2 Comments
31
Aug 2009

What is the right way?

By becky

For the most part, if people have been critical of my parenting, they have been silent about it. And I pretty much thought I didn’t care what other people felt about my choices. We all have to do best for our children, right? And even if I don’t agree completely, I have the sense to keep my mouth shut. Because I don’t know all of the circumstances surrounding their choices. I think I’m now much more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt.

So it took me by complete surprise when I overheard a criticism of how I treat my son. And it cut me to the quick, in part because it came from someone whose opinion I value very much.

So much surprise in fact, that I’m still reeling. I don’t know how to process it. I don’t know how to get past it. It’s still bouncing around in my head, echoing over and over.

The judgment. The hurt. The questioning myself, my parenting. You are not good enough. You’re doing it wrong.

Yet, what is the right way? I don’t think I coddle my son, yet others do. I try my best to let him try new things. Find his own boundaries. I show him how to do things and then have him try it. Mostly, I watch him do it. Let him work out his own frustrations. Sometimes I show him the solution and then let him work it out. Or I just talk him through it. I’m trying to teach him some problem solving. Is it wrong to help him figure things out? Should I just let him scream and cry in frustration?

I don’t know.

And right now, I feel like I know even less than before.

Category: Uncategorized  Tags:  6 Comments
03
Jun 2009

Mama said there’d be days like this

By becky

You know how motherhood sometimes just chews you up and spits you out?

Today is one of those days.

Category: parenting, spawn  Tags: ,  5 Comments
03
Apr 2009

Used and abused

By becky

Things my child has hit me with recently and the injuries I sustained:

Blocks
He loves to pound on everything, and unfortunately my face is sometimes a little too close. Results: several fat lips.

Sippy cups
I get hit with these at least once a day. Most of the time I manage to dodge, or at least keep my glasses from getting broken. My cheek has been bruised more times than I can count.

Feet
My son LOVES to kick when he’s lying on his back. Especially during diaper changes. Results: many pummelings in my stomach. And occasionally my legs. I think he left a bruise on my thigh. This kid is STRONG. I don’t mind it so much when we’re lying down and he does that to my back. I just need to teach him when it’s okay. ;)

His head
This is the most damaging weapon. He bruised my nose this morning and I still have a headache from that. He cracked the side of my head with the back of his a few days ago and my ear is still sore where it got crushed between his head and my glasses. Fat lips galore. Many head bruises. And he’s only recently started to stiffen up and throw himself backwards. Hence the rapid increase of head injuries. For me. Doesn’t seem to bother him much at all.

I think my son may be trying to kill or maim me. How much do you think his father paid him?

Category: parenting, spawn  Tags: , , ,  4 Comments
26
Mar 2009

I might be getting too old for this

By becky

Last night hubby and I did something we haven’t done in quite a while. We went out without the Boobah. My gracious and wonderful sister-in-law came over while we snuck off.

Okay, not really. But kindof. We quietly left, as the kiddo was already in bed. He never even knew we were gone. Yet I did. My heart did.

Let me back up. I have been looking forward to this outing for several days, ever since SIL said she’d come over. It was exciting. A date! Music! Libations! Motorcycle ride! The weather has been increasingly nicer. So much so that J has been riding the motorcycle to work. We used to go on rides all the time. I miss that. A lot.

I never realized how much I missed that time until we had a chance to go out. I don’t have a lot of people around who can babysit. I haven’t been building that network of people. I didn’t want to impose on the SIL, my best friend has been out of town for months and the daughter is just too busy. So we take turns going out to do things. Watch the daughter’s band. Meet up with friends. Or we just do things that can include the Boobah. It’s not that huge of a deal most of the time.

Until the daughter has a gig late at night. I have a hard time going out by myself that late at night. Meeting friends? Fine. Going solo? Different story, for me anyway. So we made plans to go together (and I worked up the courage to ask SIL to babysit).

And then, the night before, I started thinking. A little too much. I do that a lot. I tell myself I’m trying to cover all the bases, make sure I’m prepared. But the truth is, I worry. A lot. If I’m not careful, it can turn into a panic attack. So I start worrying about what would happen if, well, something… happened. J is an excellent careful driver. I trust him implicitly. But other drivers aren’t so careful about motorcycles. You hear about it all the time.

My worries can keep me from doing things, from enjoying things. From reaching out to meet new people, make new friends, find new business. From living.

So I sat on the back of that motorcycle last night, trying to quiet my fears. To just enjoy our time together. It eventually worked, but we were most of the way there before I could relax.

But we had a great time. Daughter’s band did a great job. We got to see her for a few minutes afterwards. It really was a nice respite, something we’ll have to indulge in more often.

As for hopping on the motorcycle without a care? Those days are over. It doesn’t mean I won’t get on the bike ever again. I love going up to Julian, out to the Hideout, and other places on the bike. It’s a lot of fun. But I have to think more carefully about it. And no matter how distasteful it is, we need to plan for the worst scenario. So I can worry a little less. And enjoy life a little more.

Category: babbling, family, me, me, me, parenting  Tags: , , , , , ,  10 Comments
22
Nov 2008

One year ago today

By becky

One year ago, I met a boy. He has taken over much of my life in this past year. But that’s not his fault. He had to rely on me for just about everything. It’s just the way of things.

Today, we celebrate the birth of our son, the great Boobah. He has changed so much over the past year. It really is amazing how fast the milestones fly at you. I can’t even keep up. But I love it.

Being a mom is hard. It’s getting up and caring for your child even when you’re feeling under the weather and they are fine. It’s pulling yourself out of bed at 5 when you really want to sleep until 7. Or 10. It’s making sure they’re fed before you are, because you can wait a 1/2 hour to eat, but your child doesn’t yet understand how to wait. It’s wiping tears, runny noses, kissing bruises, padding corners, washing bottles, and changing a heck of a lot of diapers.

It’s a freaking tough job. I do love it. Even as I wish for just a little time to myself to read, take a bath, take a nap, catch up on email, watch a little TV, or browse a shop. Even as I drag myself out of bed at 3 am to find a lost binkie. And especially when I get soaked from bathtub splashing.

Deep down, I always hoped I would get to be a mom. My parents are the most wonderful examples of love and caring, and I wanted to pass that along. I hoped that there would be someone to look at all of the pictures and hear all of the stories and just want to know where we came from. And a bit of what our lives were like. I want to leave a mark. We do that, in some small way, through our children.

But I never knew if I would get the chance. Hey, life happens and sometimes that chance can pass us by. I was lucky, though. It didn’t pass by. And here we are. My son is one year old. We survived with him only getting dropped on his head once! Or was it twice? (Oh, hai, CPS – just kidding!)

I’m still trying to find a way to balance being a mom with still being me. I’ve always found it easier to worry about everyone else ahead of myself. Maybe I’ll figure it out. Maybe it’ll continue to be a battle. Who knows?

I love that little guy of mine. And while I’m in no hurry for him to get bigger, I’m really looking forward to the adventures we’ll share.

Category: parenting, spawn  Tags: , , , ,  3 Comments
21
Nov 2008

‘MA!’ means come get me now woman

By becky

Our son’s crib is in our room. Not just because I want him close so I don’t have to stumble through the house when he cries, but out of necessity. We live in a one bedroom place, so he’s either in our room or the middle of the living room. Not a lot of choices.

We arranged things to where he’s on my side of the bed, at a slight angle. Our bedroom is a jungle of furniture: bed, dressers, desk, sidetable, baby bed. Yeah, it’s a lot of stuff. I have a nightstand next to me, and his crib is on the other side.

Did I mention the kid can now stand up and reach outside of the crib? And that the nearest thing is my nightstand? Did I also mention said nightstand is now CLEAR? Um, yeah.

This morning, he stood in his crib, looking around, babbling, and waiting for his dear, precious mother to WAKE THE HECK UP ALREADY. He’ll usually entertain himself for a bit before he decides he needs a new diaper.

And today, he woke me up by yelling at me. Ma! Momomom. Ma! I rolled over and looked at him and was greeted with a most adorable and huge grin. How could I resist that? The crying? Eh, roll over and go back to sleep. But “ma” and a smile? Up in an instant.

He is crawling so fast now. Zips everywhere. We have a couple of laundry baskets as barriers between the living room and kitchen and barring the hallway to the bathroom and bedroom. He can’t move them YET, but he can stand up and hold on to them, which he loves to do. And he can finally sit back down from standing, which results in a lot less crying and frustration. From both of us. Also, he can move sideways while holding on to things. The coffee table, the couch, the rocking chair. It’s all so fast.

And last night? He got off of the couch. BY HIMSELF.

He was sitting with daddy, decided he wanted down, turned around, and put his legs off of the couch. We watched as he slowly lowered himself down. We cheered him a bit and then he took off. Wow.

Tomorrow is his first birthday. Last year at this time, well, it’s a blur. I was at the hospital, in labor. I had pitocin, and I believe they’d already put in the epidural as well. I don’t even remember when my water broke, but I know I was lying in bed and felt it happen. Did I mention I went to the hospital the day before Thanksgiving, in the morning, to get monitored and THEY KEPT ME? And I didn’t get to leave until almost a week later.

I guess I never really told the whole birth story. I may just have to do that in honor of the kiddo’s first year here. And it will be told often, because mommy didn’t get to have Thanksgiving (actually, I didn’t get to eat for almost 30 hours and I was begging for some food) thanks to a certain little rug rat.

So, maybe some more tomorrow, after we go to Balboa Park. I think we’ll forgo chocolate cake for some brownies or something like that. Haven’t decided yet. No party, just hanging with the boys. I can’t wait.

Category: family, parenting, spawn  Tags: , , , , , ,  2 Comments
14
Nov 2008

Oops… now where was I?

By becky

I had some ideas for writing. Some cute or funny things about the kid. Or maybe me. Something. I think.

But mommy brain has struck again and I can’t remember what it was I wanted to tell you. Or write for posterity. Or just vent. I think it was one of those. Not sure which. Maybe all?

Unless I write things down I can’t remember a darn thing right now. It’s so freakin’ irritating. I swear I’d forget the kid if… no, that’s a lie. He’s about the only thing I won’t forget.

I won’t forget him because I’ve read and written about too many kids being left in the car and it terrifies me. So I’m constantly checking him, making sure he’s where he should be.

Maybe that’s the problem. I’m so busy remembering where the kid is, what he needs, what’s next for him that I forget me. I forget what I was supposed to do. Or say. Or write.

I thought it would get better after a year. The memory. The forgetting things. I was so, so wrong. *sigh*

Category: babbling, me, me, me, parenting  Tags: , ,  4 Comments
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