Tag-Archive for » my body hates me «

Meet me halfway

And suddenly, here we are at the (almost) halfway mark in this pregnancy. Tomorrow we find out whether this wee little one is going to make me more outnumbered, or even things back up a bit.

I am so excited about this appointment – I can’t wait to see if my instincts are correct.

Time has dragged on during these first few months of pregnancy. I’m not busy in the same way I was three years ago. At that point, I was working full-time, going to school full-time, and somehow trying to fit in lots of homework. I don’t even know how I made it through all of that. It’s all I can do right now to stay awake more than four hours at a time.

I think I’m actually looking forward to that energy boost that comes from nesting. I could use it right now.

I could talk about why I haven’t been around much, but it mostly involves a lot of whining about how hard this has been on my body, and how I’ve wasted any thoughts that might develop into a full post by busily twittering and facebooking. So.

Enough of that. Let’s see if I can find something interesting to complain about. I think I’ll have to get back to you on that. But I have done some cool things in the last month or so that I’ll try to dredge out of my brain and onto paper. Ooooh, doesn’t that sound exciting? Wait, where are you going?

It’s a weighty issue

Okay, mothers. I’m a little miffed at you.

You and your secrets. Oh yeah, you tried to help me by telling me a few secrets here and there, things you swore no one talked about. The underbelly of motherhood. Things to watch for, things to help me keep my sanity.

But not one of you mentioned this. And I think I’m holding just a little bit of a grudge.

I heard that my body would change after childbirth. Of course it does! Things rearrange, get a little softer, a little saggier.

But not one of you told me how differently I would gain weight after having the Boobah. Are you feeling guilty yet? Well, doggone it, you should!

First, I had no idea it would be so freakin’ easy to gain weight. I lost weight pretty rapidly after the baby was born, and even kept it off for a while. But gradually, insidiously, it snuck back. All of it. And then some. I weigh as much as I did when I was 9 months pregnant. Heck, I probably look pregnant.

I am not happy about this.

Yet this is the worst part for me. It’s where I gain weight. I used to gain it low, in my abdomen. Now, it’s my abdomen, lower, higher, on the sides, on my back. THIS IS NOT FAIR. The weight is uncomfortable. It throws me off kilter. Makes me tired. Cranky. Unattractive.

Part of it is my activity level. And eating habits. I know that. But it is so much harder to motivate myself when I’m so stinking tired all of the time! Oh, and I hate to run. Hate it. I’m happy for you if you like it. It’s just not my thing. Not my bag, baby.

Walking, though, I can handle. So I am. I walked for 50 minutes today, and I’m going to try to do at least half that as often as possible. Because my back can’t handle the extra weight. My knees. And my eyes, when I look in the mirror.

And you moms are on notice. If there’s anything else you’ve neglected to share, you better spill now. Because this weight makes me cranky, too. And you won’t like me when I’m cranky.