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Bad days are inevitable

I found out on Thursday that I am officially out of a job in just a couple of weeks. I knew this was coming, but it just wasn’t concrete. Someone has accepted a job offer and that means my time must come to an end.

I’ve had time to get used to it. Hell, I’m the one that gave notice, right? It’s still tough. I worry about being replaced. What if this person is so much better than me that they wonder why this didn’t happen years ago? And why does that matter to me?

I worry about our finances. That steady income was important to me. I’ve never ventured out on my own because I like to plan. I like stability. I like to know what’s coming financially. Oh, and I like insurance, too.

I worry about having to take way too much work just to bring in the money we need. I’m afraid I’ll actually need to work more than 40 hours to cover our expenses. J has offered to work more hours and find an evening job. If he does that, though, how do I get my work done and still feel like I’m giving the boy the attention he needs? more…

Whatever you do – don’t panic. Too late!

As the finality of my decisions sink in, I start to feel a tight knot form in my stomach. I’ve never gone without a safety net, without the comfort of a regular job and a steady income. As I look at our budget, and think about insurance for our little one, the panic starts to set in.

And then I can’t sleep at night and want to sleep all day. I don’t want to work (at the day job) because I feel paralyzed. Yet not working kindof defeats things, doesn’t it?

Right now, I don’t have enough work to cover us. Right now, I don’t know where our insurance is going to come from. Right now, I am trying to avoid a full-blown panic attack.

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it just keeps getting better

Oh, now we have even more AWESOME news. But I am taking a page from Heather‘s “Be Ye Not So Stupid” maxim and won’t say much except the latest developments? Are EVEN BETTER than before. Um, yeah.

So since I can’t talk about that right now because, “Hi people from work!” I’ll come back later because I really want to talk about the Today Show’s total lack of understanding of moms and blogs. Surely you’ve already seen some of the convos about THAT.