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Picture this

I’ve been quiet this week, thinking about the end of one era, beginning of another. I look forward to having less structured days, where I don’t have to be a certain place at a certain time. When I can have a schedule for the kid, but flexibility when we want to go to the pool, the park, the beach. I won’t have to be back at 1.30 every afternoon, or get up and work for an hour at 7 a.m.

And I try not to think too hard about what we’ll do about insurance, since the company I contacted hasn’t called me back. Hoping that will get resolved next week.

Today we took the kid to the yearly staff picnic. It was pretty cool. Hot weather, but we found some great shade, plopped down a couple of blankets, and let the kid sit and play. Gave him a bit of watermelon rind with just enough red left on it to be interesting. He loved it. I didn’t realize how great a teething helper it would be. He must have drooled a gallon down the front of his shirt, but man, was he happy.

And I captured some of it on ‘film’. Hoping to get the pics from daddy, since it was his camera. And I will most certainly share when I can because they are way too precious for words. What’s cuter than a kid on a blanket? Nothing, I tell you. Absolutely nothing. And if you don’t think so, then I say you have a cold, black, dead heart and I no longer want to know you.

Just sayin’.

I really need to catch up this weekend. On everything, really. Will it get easier or harder after these two weeks are up? I’m really not sure yet.

But taking those pics today reminded me of how much I miss getting out with my camera. I’m going to have to take the kid to the beach and get some shots of him. I think it’s in my contract somewhere. (If thou livest within driving distance of the beach, thou must take thy child and get cute baby shots. It’s required.) I guess I’d better get on that.

Whatever you do – don’t panic. Too late!

As the finality of my decisions sink in, I start to feel a tight knot form in my stomach. I’ve never gone without a safety net, without the comfort of a regular job and a steady income. As I look at our budget, and think about insurance for our little one, the panic starts to set in.

And then I can’t sleep at night and want to sleep all day. I don’t want to work (at the day job) because I feel paralyzed. Yet not working kindof defeats things, doesn’t it?

Right now, I don’t have enough work to cover us. Right now, I don’t know where our insurance is going to come from. Right now, I am trying to avoid a full-blown panic attack.

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