Last Tuesday, I said goodbye to 35 and hello to 36. I’m not sure how I feel about inching closer to 40. In my 30s I have really felt like I’ve come into my own. Getting more respect professionally. Feeling more settled in myself, who I am, what I like and don’t like.
And then I became a mom smack-dab in the middle of my 30s. And things changed. My world has spun around a bit. I quit working outside of the home and suddenly I’m not sure where my identity lies anymore. It’s not that I identified so heavily with my career, although the ability to bring in a hefty (to me) paycheck was a BIG DEAL to me.
Now I work from home and earn less than half of what I used to. And we’re on a budget. And I’m struggling to manage my time and get everything – or even part of everything – done.
Strangely, I’m less sure of myself at 36 than I was at 34. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs this past year and I can’t say that I’m sad to see 35 go. Where will 36 take me? I’m not sure.
But I certainly hope it includes some more freelance clients and a better paycheck. For my sanity’s sake. Yeah, that’s it. My sanity.
image credit: morgueFile
I lost a gig this week. It happens. Things come and go. Sites are up, then down. That’s what happens in a freelancer’s world. When something ends, you find another.
I had a feeling it might be coming when we started hearing about scaling back budgets. Again, it happens. Even though you have a feeling something is coming, even though you think you’re prepared, it can still hit you harder than you thought.
So yes, Aisledash is closing August 1st. And let me tell you, the group of women at that site were are amazing. I had so much fun exchanging thoughts, ideas, and just crazy emails with them. And even though I wasn’t a part of the site that long, I met some amazing, hardworking, funny women.
I found myself way more sad than I expected to be. And if I’m sad, then Susan must be even more so. She really put her heart and soul into making that site work. She was a fabulous manager and I only hope that our paths will cross again. Because anyone who cries over her people losing their jobs before she cries over her own? Is alright with me.
I do have other things in the works, so I’m really hoping that it’ll all work out in the end. I think it will.