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06
Jul 2010

Meet me halfway

By becky

And suddenly, here we are at the (almost) halfway mark in this pregnancy. Tomorrow we find out whether this wee little one is going to make me more outnumbered, or even things back up a bit.

I am so excited about this appointment – I can’t wait to see if my instincts are correct.

Time has dragged on during these first few months of pregnancy. I’m not busy in the same way I was three years ago. At that point, I was working full-time, going to school full-time, and somehow trying to fit in lots of homework. I don’t even know how I made it through all of that. It’s all I can do right now to stay awake more than four hours at a time.

I think I’m actually looking forward to that energy boost that comes from nesting. I could use it right now.

I could talk about why I haven’t been around much, but it mostly involves a lot of whining about how hard this has been on my body, and how I’ve wasted any thoughts that might develop into a full post by busily twittering and facebooking. So.

Enough of that. Let’s see if I can find something interesting to complain about. I think I’ll have to get back to you on that. But I have done some cool things in the last month or so that I’ll try to dredge out of my brain and onto paper. Ooooh, doesn’t that sound exciting? Wait, where are you going?

Category: family, parenting  Tags: , , , , ,  4 Comments
11
May 2010

Oops, I did it again.

By becky

I’ve had several people ask me if I’m okay after that last post. I am, really. I was just having a super-craptastic day and needed to write something. Maudlin, much?

Of course, there could be a tiny reason why I’m a bit easily pushed down into the depths, thinking the world just might end.

And it may have just a wee, teeny bit to do with hormones.

Lots

and

lots

of

hormones.

Oops, we did it again.

It has been really tough not talking about this. I have been so very sick, averse to a lot of foods and just plain miserable. And happy. But oh how I wanted to share my woes over feeling so sick that I have been taking a nap almost every day at the same time as my son.

Or how utterly exhausted I have been. All. The. Time.

Or how my husband is thinking about banning me from drinking merlot ever again. (But that’s a different story.)

Last week, about Thursday or Friday my belly POPPED. It’s a little hard to hide the news now. And Friday night, I went to Mamafest here in San Diego and ran into a bunch of ladies I knew. During the course of conversations, the news slipped. Oops.

That’s really okay, though. I’d already had my first appointment, seen that tiny little being, and heard a heartbeat. It’s real.

Oh boy. I’m going to be a mom to two littles, exactly 3 years apart. And I do mean exactly as this wee one is due a week after his/her brother’s birthday.

We’re calling this baby 3.0, because the boy was jokingly referred to as 2.0 on our shower cake last time AND this kid will be the third. So there you go.

The holidays are going to be busy this year, y’all. I can’t wait.

Category: family, me, me, me, parenting, spawn  Tags: , , , , , , ,  16 Comments
18
Apr 2010

Today

By becky

I was supposed to go to Day at the Docks today. But I woke up with a headache and by the time it went away, it was too late to go. Unless I wanted to park miles away and take a shuttle in. No thanks.

So once hubby got home, we decided to grab some lunch and just go on a wander. We used to do our “wanders” every weekend. Just go where the wind took us, enjoying the chance to explore our city. We never really went terribly far from our neighborhood, but we still had a good time.

We wound up at the mall, and our son had a blast walking to his heart’s content. He is so cute when he’s walking as fast as he can, wind in his face, dimples shining. I managed to get a tiny bit of shopping done, too. Found a couple of tops that will be nice for the summer.

All in all? A nice spring day. We need more of those together.

Category: family  Tags: , , , ,  2 Comments
22
Nov 2009

Two years – so far, so good

By becky

Today is my son’s second birthday. Originally I wanted to write a beautiful tribute to everything he means to me (us).

Instead, I spent time just watching and enjoying him today.

Mid-morning, just before his nap, he sat on his little foam couch next to the toy box, his feet up in the air and resting on the side of the box. He grabbed a piece from his toy garage that is somewhat like a straw and was blowing into it, making noises. He’d pause every so often, throw his head back in glee and just laugh.

If I close my eyes, I can still picture the joy in his face. That big smile with the gapped teeth and dimples. Bright eyes, half closed in the middle of laughter.

That? Is the best part of my day every day. I am so grateful for every minute of the last two years. And I wouldn’t change a thing. Happy birthday, boobah. May you continue to bring joy to those around you.

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03
Nov 2009

Up Chuck!

By becky

One of the golden rules of babyhood. Never, ever, hold them over your head just after they’ve eaten.

Our son couldn’t have been more than four or five months old at the time. Daddy was playing with him, as he does. It’s so awesome to watch — a father with his child. He would hold him in the air, coo at him, then hold him close.

But one night it was a little closer to mealtime than was, well, safe. Daddy held the boy up above him, and the boy belched. And spit up.

Right into Daddy’s eyes and mouth. Ugh.

I cringe and laugh simultaneously every time I remember that. Maybe partially in relief that it wasn’t me. Ah, parenthood.

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29
Sep 2009

Mom as Jungle Gym, A Modern Art Piece

By becky

I was in the dining room, squatting down to look at something on the bottom shelf of our baker’s rack. I didn’t even see it coming.

Whack!

A very large car starts moving over my back and shoulders.

Wait, let me back up. My son is obsessed with cars. It’s really anything with wheels. If an object has wheels, he must have it.

Earlier this month, he threw a fit over a rain gauge that had a tractor on it. When I finally figured out what he wanted, I got it down for him. And then he threw a fit because the wheels wouldn’t move on the stupid thing. It was the funniest and most pitiful thing, all at the same time. He was so disappointed that the wheels were immobile.

So we have these cars (Ridemakerz, which we LOVE) that have been sitting on top of our stereo since last Christmas. After we got home from Missouri, the boy noticed them. As in, would not stop until we got them down for him. Point, whine. Point, stomp feet, whine. Repeat. I really don’t mind him playing with them, so I got them down for him.

And they have not left his side since. He even sleeps with them now. These cars are not small. They’re about 10-12 inches long. But he loves them and runs them all over the place.

Me, included.

So this car starts running across my back. I’m leaning over enough that he can balance the car on my shoulder and it will stay. So he leaves the car there so he can go get the other one. He brings it back and runs it all over my back, too.

I’m amused, but also glad there are no cameras around.

I think that I’m my son’s favorite playground. He’s constantly running his hot wheels cars all over me, too. Or when I’m laying in the floor, he crawls across me. Over. And over. And over.

So I’m a jungle gym. Or a car track. Or just a really soft play toy.

And I actually love every minute of it. Being a mom is so cool.

Category: family, parenting, spawn  Tags: , , , , , ,  2 Comments
29
Aug 2009

Walking in a spiderweb

By becky

Okay, so I’m really tired of seeing that wifi post up there, so it’s prompting me to drop in, ever-so-briefly.

We (the boy & I) are visiting family right now. There’s a lot of “Outside!” and “Turn on the ceiling fans!” going on around here. And grandparent snuggles. And inappropriate food smuggling (thanks, Dad). And CARS.

My boy is happy. So am I.

Category: babbling, family, spawn  Tags:  Leave a Comment
15
Aug 2009

They never left me

By becky

disillusionment

I was 20 years old when I ran away from home.

Yes, I do think you can run away even when you already moved out of your parents’ home. And that’s what I did.

I was married. Going to school. Working. My then husband was having a hard time keeping jobs. It was always something. He didn’t get along with management or someone got promoted over him and that person didn’t like him. Or he’d be late too many times. I was so tired of asking for money to help us pay our electric bill. We had a very small house payment (we lived in a mobile home) and could barely make that.

I felt trapped. I had signed on for this. I was miserable. Embarrassed over our finances. So young that I hadn’t a clue what to do. I came from the camp that believed you don’t divorce. So I tried to make things work.

The ex had lived in California before and felt sure he could get a job back at his old employer. He was so sure there were more opportunities there. He wanted to leave. I didn’t want to let go of my family. Eventually he wore me down. But I was too afraid to tell them. Afraid they’d tell me how silly it was. I already knew it was a bad move. But I so hoped that something, anything, would be better than the way it already was.

So we packed everything up and drove to Cali. I called my parents after we entered Palm Springs. I cringe to write that out. Those words hold so much pain. So much hurt. That *I* inflicted. I don’t blame the ex for that. He wanted me to tell my parents. I was so afraid. Afraid of their disapproval. Afraid of them talking me out of it, or seeing the disappointment on their faces. So I ran away. Avoided it.

It took a long time to rebuild that relationship. They never stopped loving me. Never broke ties. I was so ashamed of what I’d done to them that it took a while for me to ask for their forgiveness. In the meantime, my ex took advantage of those broken ties to fill my head with lies about them. Things they had (allegedly) said to him when I wasn’t around.

My parents aren’t like that. I knew that deep down. They have never said anything bad about anyone who has done them wrong. They would not make snide comments. Other relatives? Yes, they would. But my parents? Never.

It took three more years of heartache, of hearing lies about my family before I finally realized what was going on. That I could leave. That it was enough. That I didn’t have to take it anymore. People divorce. We make mistakes when we’re young. We don’t always choose well.

But I am so grateful that my family stuck by me. Even when I hurt them. And didn’t really deserve it.

I left them. They never left me.

Category: family, you might think i'm crazy  Tags: ,  Leave a Comment
28
Apr 2009

Dance, little boy, dance

By becky

Last Friday was my best friend’s birthday. She came over for a low-key dinner, to visit and to see the kid. And that kid loves playing with his auntie. She brought over a movie, one that she’d told us we needed to see. So we did.

Nacho Libre.

I hadn’t planned to see that movie. Like, ever. But it made her laugh, and she kept quoting from it. So we had to see it. These days, we could use all the laughs we can get, right? We knew it would be dumb. It was. Yet it was funny. And a distraction that I desperately needed.

If you’ve seen it, you’ll know the part of the movie I’m going to refer to. Nacho is at the market, buying some things, when he spots a pair of boots that he must have. And that’s when the Bubblegum song plays.

That’s when the Boobah started dancing. And we all cracked up. How could you not? Here’s this little – almost 3 foot tall – boy, moving his head from side to side, wiggling his little bottom, and grinning for all he’s worth.

So we replayed the song. Then his auntie got up, grabbed his hands, and danced with him while we sang the bubblegum part of the song. I wish I’d gotten it on tape. The pure joy in both their faces was awesome. My sides ached from laughing and my cheeks hurt from smiling.

That, my friends, was a perfect Friday night.

Category: family, spawn  Tags: , , ,  Leave a Comment
26
Mar 2009

I might be getting too old for this

By becky

Last night hubby and I did something we haven’t done in quite a while. We went out without the Boobah. My gracious and wonderful sister-in-law came over while we snuck off.

Okay, not really. But kindof. We quietly left, as the kiddo was already in bed. He never even knew we were gone. Yet I did. My heart did.

Let me back up. I have been looking forward to this outing for several days, ever since SIL said she’d come over. It was exciting. A date! Music! Libations! Motorcycle ride! The weather has been increasingly nicer. So much so that J has been riding the motorcycle to work. We used to go on rides all the time. I miss that. A lot.

I never realized how much I missed that time until we had a chance to go out. I don’t have a lot of people around who can babysit. I haven’t been building that network of people. I didn’t want to impose on the SIL, my best friend has been out of town for months and the daughter is just too busy. So we take turns going out to do things. Watch the daughter’s band. Meet up with friends. Or we just do things that can include the Boobah. It’s not that huge of a deal most of the time.

Until the daughter has a gig late at night. I have a hard time going out by myself that late at night. Meeting friends? Fine. Going solo? Different story, for me anyway. So we made plans to go together (and I worked up the courage to ask SIL to babysit).

And then, the night before, I started thinking. A little too much. I do that a lot. I tell myself I’m trying to cover all the bases, make sure I’m prepared. But the truth is, I worry. A lot. If I’m not careful, it can turn into a panic attack. So I start worrying about what would happen if, well, something… happened. J is an excellent careful driver. I trust him implicitly. But other drivers aren’t so careful about motorcycles. You hear about it all the time.

My worries can keep me from doing things, from enjoying things. From reaching out to meet new people, make new friends, find new business. From living.

So I sat on the back of that motorcycle last night, trying to quiet my fears. To just enjoy our time together. It eventually worked, but we were most of the way there before I could relax.

But we had a great time. Daughter’s band did a great job. We got to see her for a few minutes afterwards. It really was a nice respite, something we’ll have to indulge in more often.

As for hopping on the motorcycle without a care? Those days are over. It doesn’t mean I won’t get on the bike ever again. I love going up to Julian, out to the Hideout, and other places on the bike. It’s a lot of fun. But I have to think more carefully about it. And no matter how distasteful it is, we need to plan for the worst scenario. So I can worry a little less. And enjoy life a little more.

Category: babbling, family, me, me, me, parenting  Tags: , , , , , ,  10 Comments
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