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Unwritten

How did I manage to post for an entire month, only to drop off of my blog for almost two weeks? Okay, okay, I know how. I had a baby. Then we had doctor appointments. And we drove a couple of days to see family. But we’ve been here for a week and I still haven’t figured out what to say.

What do I say?

  • That I love this little guy and am spending a majority of my time just holding him, letting him sleep on me, or gazing at his adorable little face?
  • That I feel guilty that I can’t pick up my older son, but grateful that he has his grandpa to play with him and distract him from the fact that mommy has less time for him now?
  • That I have no idea how I will manage to work and take care of two kids and actually say more than five words to my husband, but that we will somehow get through?
  • That while I love having time off to spend with everyone, it also feels weird not to be working, especially since we’re out in the middle of nowhere and there’s not a lot to do once the weather hits?
  • That while I love it here, I miss the convenience of living in town where everything’s so close that I can be at the mall in less than 5 minutes, Target or Wally World less than 10, and the doctor’s office in less than 15?
  • That I don’t miss getting snowed in?
  • But that I do miss having our own place, a dishwasher, a washer & dryer, a real house, and lots of family nearby, things that we don’t have back in SD?

I always have so much going through my head this time of year. Thoughts of family, of moving, of staying where we are, of how quickly time goes by.

So as you can see, my mind is still super-busy even as so much stays unwritten. But I don’t want to forget everything that goes on during the first few weeks of my son’s life, so I’m hoping to do a little better. Even if it’s only a short snippet every other day. I want to drop in more often. I will try to do so.

Category: babbling  Tags:  2 Comments

Resolutions

Funny enough, I got a call from the hospital today asking how things went while we were there. So I told the lady how great the nurses in the NICU were. How kind and caring. How they did their best to make sure I could see my boy as often as possible. They always had a rocking chair ready to go so I could hold and nurse my boy.

It was getting my son released from the NICU that was the problem. It took about eight hours longer than it should have. Hours in my new son’s life that I’ll not get back. His first 48+ hours in which I should have been with him constantly. And I wasn’t. He needed medical care and I’m so grateful that he got it. But those extra hours of waiting were unnecessary. And yes, I’m still a little bit angry about it.

There’s more to it, and I will get around to telling the story. But right now I need to find a way to move on. It’s over. Done. I can’t change it. I need to focus on spending time with both of my sons, not getting angry about something I can’t change.

But at least I was able to tell my story to someone at the hospital. And hopefully it’ll change for the next mom whose baby graduates from the NICU during a very busy time.

Out and about

We managed to get out of the house with both of the boys. We didn’t go far – just to the mall. But it was someplace where we could walk around and let the oldest expend some energy.

The ladies at Williams-Sonoma ooohed and aaahed over the baby. And when they found out he is 5 days old, they didn’t know whether I was brave or crazy.

Funny, neither do I.

I just *have* to get out of the house. Even if I’m tired, there’s only so much you can do inside these walls. And I’m certainly not bedridden. Being forced to get out of bed the day after surgery will do that to you. I had no choice – I had to go and see my son. There was nothing – not an IV, a catheter, a sore abdomen… nothing – that was going to keep me away from him. As it was, it took at least 8 hours longer than it should have to get him back with us. And it probably would have been longer if I’d not suffered a meltdown right in the middle of the NICU.

Let’s just say it was an emotional time, I was exhausted, and I didn’t handle the multiple delays very well. It sucks when the kids who are ready to leave the NICU are kept there simply because the doctor hasn’t made it through rounds yet and the ones that are out of danger are the last ones to be seen. Let me say it again. It SUCKS. I’m still not happy with how that was handled. But the nurses and staff were so kind. And amazingly patient. And awesome.

It could have been so much worse. We were pretty fortunate. We ARE pretty fortunate. I can’t stress that enough.

It’s going to be an adjustment to having two instead of one. But so far? It’s awesome. Both of my sons are amazing. What more can I ask for?

Thank you. Sincerely.

It’s going to take me days to go around thanking everyone. And I will. But in the meantime, while things are still a little crazy, I just wanted to say thank you. So many friends have sent emails, facebook and twitter messages, called us to check in… it has been tremendous. Thank you so much for all of the love and support. We truly needed it.

We’re home, together as a family, and adjusting to having four of us here in the house. Baby Bravia is doing great. He’s just a teensy bit jaundiced, so we’re working to improve that. And he’s still learning to nurse, so we’re working on that, too. But he’s a joy, his older brother can’t get enough of him, and we’re enamored of our two little boys.

So while we’re tired. Exhausted. Zombies. … we have so much to be grateful for. It has all been put into crystal-clear perspective for us. So again, thank you for all of the kind, warm messages. You have made this last week even more special. I truly mean that.

Baby Bravia thanks you as well.

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It’s a weighty issue

Okay, mothers. I’m a little miffed at you.

You and your secrets. Oh yeah, you tried to help me by telling me a few secrets here and there, things you swore no one talked about. The underbelly of motherhood. Things to watch for, things to help me keep my sanity.

But not one of you mentioned this. And I think I’m holding just a little bit of a grudge.

I heard that my body would change after childbirth. Of course it does! Things rearrange, get a little softer, a little saggier.

But not one of you told me how differently I would gain weight after having the Boobah. Are you feeling guilty yet? Well, doggone it, you should!

First, I had no idea it would be so freakin’ easy to gain weight. I lost weight pretty rapidly after the baby was born, and even kept it off for a while. But gradually, insidiously, it snuck back. All of it. And then some. I weigh as much as I did when I was 9 months pregnant. Heck, I probably look pregnant.

I am not happy about this.

Yet this is the worst part for me. It’s where I gain weight. I used to gain it low, in my abdomen. Now, it’s my abdomen, lower, higher, on the sides, on my back. THIS IS NOT FAIR. The weight is uncomfortable. It throws me off kilter. Makes me tired. Cranky. Unattractive.

Part of it is my activity level. And eating habits. I know that. But it is so much harder to motivate myself when I’m so stinking tired all of the time! Oh, and I hate to run. Hate it. I’m happy for you if you like it. It’s just not my thing. Not my bag, baby.

Walking, though, I can handle. So I am. I walked for 50 minutes today, and I’m going to try to do at least half that as often as possible. Because my back can’t handle the extra weight. My knees. And my eyes, when I look in the mirror.

And you moms are on notice. If there’s anything else you’ve neglected to share, you better spill now. Because this weight makes me cranky, too. And you won’t like me when I’m cranky.