I danced around in the kitchen to Florence & the Machine this morning as I fixed breakfast for me and the boys. For some reason, her music reminds me of my younger, carefree days. The boys just kindof looked at me for a bit, but grinned as I grabbed each of them in turn & danced around.

Those are the types of memories I want them to have. Dancing in the kitchen with mom on a random Monday.

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This morning, both boys slept in (hallelujah, I needed that). They both woke up in good moods and we’ve had a perfectly pleasant morning. I sat down with my scone and favorite Christmas coffee and watched them eat their breakfast. It was a nice respite from all the goings on around here. My older son also ran his trains all over me and gave me a running commentary about them. Not all of it was decipherable, but it was fun nonetheless.

Speaking of the older son, he is slowly starting to talk. He has quite a few words now and is mastering new sounds weekly. Is he caught up with his age group? No. But he’s on his way. I am so proud of how hard he tries. He really loves both of his speech therapists and actually wants to go. That is such a change from where we were previously (I need to write something about that). So thankful that we found something that is working. For a long time I really wasn’t sure we would.

The littlest one is growing like crazy. But he’s pretty small for his age. He’s just now reaching the upper limit of his infant car seat (at one year old), while his brother was out of it by around 7 or 8 months at the latest. But that’s okay. He’s doing well and he’s super-easy to haul around, which is good because he demands to be picked up ALL THE TIME. He’s got a temper, that one. Throws a fit when you set him down. But if you can get him interested in a toy, he’s fine. Ah, the art of distraction. Well, sometimes. Other times he will NOT be deterred. My husband swears that comes from my side of the family. As if.

I’ve been pretty silent around these parts. I know. We’ve had a lot going on and I just haven’t wanted to talk a lot about it. We moved within the same town to be closer to hubby’s work. We were handling the move ourselves and had a lot of trouble getting any help to move stuff. In the midst of that, hubby had some health issues that made it even more difficult for us to do it ourselves. He literally could not help carry things up and down the stairs (2 flights – ugh). So while we had a whole month to move, we barely made it out. We had planned to purge a bunch of stuff but didn’t get the opportunity.

And the next month after we moved (and MORE than doubled our rent, BTW) I lost my job. The Friday before Thanksgiving. The holidays have been a little tough around here. We always go to see my parents during Christmas. They only get to see the kids about once a year and with the baby just turning one I was seriously bummed that they wouldn’t get to see them. Just no money to do so. We’ll be lucky for my unemployment to cover COBRA (don’t get me started on that rant). Or rent. But certainly not both. I need something ASAP. And I have been pounding the virtual pavement nonstop. Job hunting during the holidays is super tough. Ugh, again.

But we’ve had an offer to help us make the trip and we’re considering doing it. I feel very strongly that the kids should see their grandparents. If we could afford it, it would be several times a year instead of just one. But they are so small and grow so fast that I absolutely want their grandparents to get to see them. So we’re going to see if we can make that happen. And hope it works out. As much as I love it here, I miss my family terribly. And wish we could live in two places at once. I have better job prospects out here, but it’s cheaper out there. The weather is fabulous out here, but my family is back there. It’s a no-win in so many ways.

In spite of all that, I am trying really hard to be optimistic, which is tough because it totally goes against my nature. I’m a worrier. I have tried to change that over the years and it’s really tough to do that when it pretty much denies who you are. But I am trying. The job market isn’t easy and it certainly makes it harder when you never hear back from anyone past the “we got your application” email. I know we’re all busy, but letting people know a position has been filled would be nice. Just saying.

So that’s what is going on. Fall has not been easy for us here. Let’s hope the new year shows a lot more promise.

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I am trying to practice a little more gratitude today. There have been a lot of things going on in our lives recently. So much change. It’s a little overwhelming. Family, health, jobs. I can’t imagine what the future holds right now and it’s a little scary out there.

In spite of all that, though, I am grateful for what we do have. A wonderful, supportive network of friends and family (even though most of them didn’t help us move. AHEM.). Fantastic kids: even as they drive us crazy, they are the most wonderful thing to happen to us. (And dang, our kids are FUNNY, y’all.) Great family: even as our holiday plans change unexpectedly, they worry about us and want to help. We lucked into having an awesome family, for which I am truly, truly thankful.

My sons just had birthdays, turning 4 and 1. The time goes so fast! I love those little boogers to death. I am honored to be their mom. My husband is pretty awesome, too, but don’t tell him I said that. Between his crazy kids and crazy wife, he is either crazy himself or a very, very patient man. Love you, hon.

I hope you get the time to enjoy your family and think upon all you DO have, rather than what you don’t. Happy Thanksgiving.

As you may have noticed, I have absolutely and completely lost my blogging mojo. You know what happens when you work online all day? You really don’t want to be on the computer at night. Not with two little ones tugging at you to sit on your lap.

The last few months have been busy with a move, job stuff, family health stuff. The usual. I do have some things I want to share with you, though, so I’ll try – ONCE AGAIN – to come back and let you know what’s been happening.

Next week, my oldest boy will be FOUR. And the little one will be ONE. And then it’s Thanksgiving. I swear, where did the year go? The holidays are upon us and I barely got to enjoy the summer! But I am looking forward to seeing family during the holidays, even if I don’t get to take any time off this year (that’s a whole other story, btw).

I also haven’t gotten around to everyone’s blogs like I used to. Terrible bloggy friend, I am. What’s new with you? I miss this space.

As y’all might have heard, there was a teeny-tiny women’s blogging conference this past weekend in San Diego. You know, just 3000 or so of the most amazing, dedicated, accepting, collaborative, FUN women you’ve ever met. The typical weekend.

I think just about everyone else I know has already written their BlogHer11 recaps. That’s okay, I’m always late with these things. And I prefer to mull and chew on things a bit. I’m hoping to do a little now and some more in-depth stuff later.

I was terribly excited last August when I heard that BlogHer ‘11 was going to be in San Diego. I had missed ‘10 due to my pregnancy and the expense of traveling to NYC. It’s the first one that I’ve missed since 2006, so I wasn’t about to miss a second.

Sometimes I go into things like this with a little trepidation. I always get nervous in new situations. The unknown. But since I’ve been to the convention center so many times, and BlogHer so many times, I knew where I was going. And I already knew a bunch of people–both locally and those traveling–who were coming to the conference. I was super relaxed and ready to just go with the flow. I think it made for a much more enjoyable experience.

So unlike a lot of people who worried about what they’d wear, where they’d go and what they’d see, I was chill. For once. Whether I ran around with a bunch of friends or just went to sessions on my own, it was all good. I would have been happy either way. As it turns out, though, my friend Peggy was new to the conference and I wanted to make sure she was set up. So we wound up spending a lot of time together. And it was a blast. (I may have just found a new partner in crime. Watch out, y’all.)

I went to some panels, went to some sponsor suites, hung out on the Expo floor. Hopefully I made some new connections and I definitely ran into some old friends. I honestly don’t think I can fit it all into one post. I’d like to talk about some individual companies that I saw on the floor, some of the products we got or saw demoed, and how everything is working now that we’re back home. I always have good intentions, though, so we’ll see.

I will tell you that I took the clothes I took — they were what they were. Not sponsored. Not fancy. Jeans and t-shirts. I wore a dress to one party and jeans with a nice top at a different party. That’s it. No one shunned me or made fun of me (that I know of). But I’ve *never* been a fashionista, so there’s no pressure there. Ha! (Although I did stop at the Dr. Scholl’s booth before one of the parties and got some inserts for high heels and they made a huge difference. They also gave me some ballet flats that fold up in your purse and I put those suckers on later that night. Everyone should have a pair. Really.)

The sessions I went to? Really enjoyable. There wasn’t enough time to go to everything I wanted, especially when you are still breastfeeding an 8 month old baby. I ran back to the hotel quite a few times to get in a feeding.

What’s really cool, though, is that ALL of the sessions recaps are on the BlogHer site. So although I didn’t get to attend everything, I can go back and read the transcripts. And that, my friends, is awesome.

And drama? There wasn’t any. Unless you count that Mommy Needs Coffee chick getting all up in my face. Something about trying to throw me into a hot tub. And (re)starting a tradition or something. I have NO idea what that’s about.

What was your favorite part? What would you do differently? Are you going to BlogHer12 in NYC?

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I have been going to BlogHer con since 2006, one year after it started. (I missed last year and let me tell you, I was seriously bummed about that.) I have made many friends, gotten business, and so much more from this conference. It holds a special place in my heart.

So the fact that it’s in my back yard this year? Meant there was no way I was going to miss it this time. With less than a week to go, the buzz is growing from the 3000 attendees. As is my excitement.

At this point, BlogHer is almost like a family reunion for me. I get to see a bunch of amazing women all in one place, hugging and squeeing all weekend long. It’s going to be one big love-fest for me.

And to top that off, a good number of San Diego women will descend on the conference. Women I know and love.

It’s going to be awesome.

So get ready for next week, as I’ll probably be blogging some of the sessions I go to, either during or afterward (not sure yet). Maybe that’ll help me get back in the groove.

Are you going? What are you most looking forward to? Have any questions for an old timer?

Yeah, you know the one.

“I’m not dead yet.”

Really I’m not. If you’re on FB or Twitter, you probably know that. So why is it so hard to sit down here and write? It’s actually because I feel like I have so much to say that I don’t even know where to begin.

My boys are growing like crazy. The littlest is already SEVEN MONTHS old. Both are total sweethearts. Although the oldest is pushing his luck. Hello, three! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!

I want to leave love letters to my children. I want to talk about how hard it is to work full time from home while having the kids with you AND still freelancing. And trying to keep your sanity.

So maybe I’ve given up on that sanity bit.

Because see how scattered I am? This is my brain right now. I can rarely finish a thought without stopping and trying to remember what it was I meant to say.

Where was I?

I haven’t given up completely. Not yet, anyway. I’d like to get back to posting more than once a month. Best intentions and all that.

No, I haven’t fallen off of the face of the Earth. Been busy with travel for work. Be back soon. Just wanted to check in. How YOU doin’?

It seems sometimes like I’ve lost my voice. Not my physical, yell at my children voice, but my writing voice. My personal writing voice. I think of little things here and there to blog about, but by the time I’m done with work, I really just want to get off of the computer and spend time with hubby and the boys. Or it’s something that seems stupid. Or silly. Or not worthy of my time — or yours.

I want to chronicle this time with my boys. I’m not even doing that. I have way too much to do and I haven’t been very good at managing my time on & off the computer.

On top of that, I wonder if anyone even cares any more. Do I? I’ve been writing online since 2002. I remember that date because I was writing about a fishing trip I took that summer. But I’ve since lost those archives. What’s my point? I don’t know. I’ve been writing a long time. Do I have anything worth saying anymore?

I’m not really sure. But I still need a place to write, to get things out of my brain. Does anyone else do that? Write because you need to clear your head? I’ll go crazy if I don’t.

So it may be disjointed. It may be boring. But I need to get it all out once in a while.

I did this last year and figure, what the heck, I’ll do it again since 2010 was quite an eventful year. Once again, seeing Linda’s reminded me that it’s time to bust this out. She said she made a few slight changes to hers, but I’m just copying mine directly from last year.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before? I got to go to a Honda test drive event, that relationship led to getting to drive the Odyssey for a couple of months (which I’ll be writing more about in the coming weeks). I spoke with an agency and eventually got a new job through them. I’ll add more if anything else comes to mind.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Nope.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Um, me? And my friend, Sondra.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My aunt died on New Year’s Day of 2010.

5. What countries did you visit? Absolutely none, except in my mind.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? A house. (That hasn’t changed.)

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Definitely November 23rd, as that was the day our 2nd son was born. And November 22nd was the day my first son turned three.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Making it through this pregnancy.

9. What was your biggest failure? Landing my son in NICU because I didn’t keep my blood sugars low enough without resorting to meds.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Does getting sliced open count?

11. What was the best thing you bought? Well, since nothing pops to mind right now, I guess nothing was that spectacular. Oh yeah! I bought a Kindle (instead of Nook, yes) and I really have enjoyed it so far.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Certainly not mine.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I was too busy working, sleeping and gestating to notice.

14. Where did most of your money go? Paying off debt… and too slowly at that.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Besides giving birth, getting to drive the 2011 Honda Odyssey for two months.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? Nothing sticks out.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder? happier, mostly.

– thinner or fatter? slightly thinner.

– richer or poorer? maybe a tiny bit richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Taken time to go do fun things with my son during the day.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Working my tail off for little return.

20. How did you spend Christmas? We were with family, as always. Got to introduce the baby to some of the family, but didn’t get out much. A lot of people were sick this time around & we didn’t want to risk getting the baby sick.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010? Yes, with the new man in my life.

22. What was your favorite TV program? I think it’s still Castle.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No, still hating on the same person for, oh, about 7 years now. She’ll never be a part of our lives again.

24. What was the best book you read? I didn’t get to read a whole lot. I guess it would have to be The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Mumford and Sons (that’s the uncensored version, so be forewarned about the language).

26. What did you want and get by year’s end? A little boy.

27. What did you want and not get by year’s end? A natural delivery, rather than surgery.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? I didn’t get to see much of anything.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Nada. 37.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Being able to buy a house. (Do I sound like a broken record yet?)

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? Comfy & lazy.

32. What kept you sane? Hubby giving me time to get out of the house & do things by myself before the baby came.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Nathan Fillion from Castle. Love the show & his character.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? I can’t stand politics. Truly.

35. Who did you miss? My mom – I wish we lived closer. And my best friend who moved to Montana.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Duh.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010. Go ahead & put yourself out there… you never know what’ll happen.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

…I can’t think of anything right now. Didn’t listen to a whole lot of new music, either.