My reality

Recently, it feels like I am such a failure at everything. And when you feel that way, it is so hard to write about it. Since that’s all I’ve been talking about lately anyway, it gets pretty old. And if it’s bugging me, it certainly must not be fun for you to read about.

And yet… it is my reality. All I see are the things I haven’t done. Projects I haven’t finished, things I have failed my son and husband in, my messy house, a stack of books I haven’t read, filing and laundry and dishes to be done…

I used to be (and feel) so organized. I was on top of everything most of the time. And now, if it weren’t for automatic billpay, we’d probably be without living quarters or utilities. I just can’t seem to get it together.

It’s hard to admit. Hence, the ongoing silence. What do I say without sounding like I’m just whining? AGAIN? It’s still my reality right now. All I see right now as I look around is everything I haven’t done yet. Every misstep. Every failure.

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10 Responses
  1. Christy (5 comments.) says:

    Dang, this is not a fun place to be. I know I’ve felt it before and will certainly feel it again. The trouble comes when we think no one else feels this way! We all do at times. I don’t know if that’s helpful, but I certainly mean it to be. Hang in there.
    .-= Christy´s last blog ..It feels so good to laugh! =-.

    • becky says:

      Thank you. I sometimes find it hard to concentrate on the positive. Instead, I tend to only see the things undone, the negative things. But I’m trying.

  2. FireGirl says:

    I know exactly how you feel. You have summed up my current feelings.

  3. CGHill (6 comments.) says:

    They say “failure is not an option.” And it’s not. It’s darn near mandatory. None of us gets to say “Hey, I’m perfect just as I am.” (Those who do are quickly shown that no, they’re not.)

    Ben Stein’s dad (seriously) put this out as a metalaw: “If something can’t go on forever, it won’t.” It’s a lot more convincing than “This, too, shall pass.”
    .-= CGHill´s last blog ..And still the man comes around =-.

  4. Mama Mary (6 comments.) says:

    Ok girl, I can soooo relate! I am BARELY keepin’ it together, fo’ real! Let’s commiserate over a glass of wine soon.
    .-= Mama Mary´s last blog ..how wayne brady and "the secret" conspired to make me a stay at home mom – part 1 =-.

  5. FishMama (1 comments.) says:

    I’m right there with ya. Hang in there!