For the most part, if people have been critical of my parenting, they have been silent about it. And I pretty much thought I didn’t care what other people felt about my choices. We all have to do best for our children, right? And even if I don’t agree completely, I have the sense to keep my mouth shut. Because I don’t know all of the circumstances surrounding their choices. I think I’m now much more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt.
So it took me by complete surprise when I overheard a criticism of how I treat my son. And it cut me to the quick, in part because it came from someone whose opinion I value very much.
So much surprise in fact, that I’m still reeling. I don’t know how to process it. I don’t know how to get past it. It’s still bouncing around in my head, echoing over and over.
The judgment. The hurt. The questioning myself, my parenting. You are not good enough. You’re doing it wrong.
Yet, what is the right way? I don’t think I coddle my son, yet others do. I try my best to let him try new things. Find his own boundaries. I show him how to do things and then have him try it. Mostly, I watch him do it. Let him work out his own frustrations. Sometimes I show him the solution and then let him work it out. Or I just talk him through it. I’m trying to teach him some problem solving. Is it wrong to help him figure things out? Should I just let him scream and cry in frustration?
I don’t know.
And right now, I feel like I know even less than before.
you know, i have been very strict with blake. i won’t let him watch PG-13 movies unless i’ve seen them… just generally, i feel like i’ve set rules and boundaries and he’ll reach them soon enough and then you can never stop them. people totally criticized me. omg, they thought i was WAY too strict.. and trying to stop him from growing.. or exposing him to things. but in all honesty, i felt like what i was doing (what i still do) is the right thing for him. i think we all have to do what we feel is in the best interest of our children. and realize that everyone’s way and everyone’s idea of what is the “best” is different.
bottom line is, it isn’t any of their business because they don’t live with you- it’s not their child- and they can fuck up their own kids.
jennster´s last blog ..how i almost died at taco bell last night
Yeah, I know that for the most part, Jenn. It was just so unexpected. And hurtful. Like, made me cry, hurtful. I shouldn’t let it get to me, yet it did. Now what? I’m not sure. Hoping that in a few days it won’t seem so… huge.
There isn’t one “right” way. I can think of several wrong ways but I don’t think someone who spends time teaching problem solving and nurturing development is doing things the wrong way. Your way might not be my way, and vice versa, but as long as we both try to do the best for our kids and teach them to be kind, productive adults then we all win.
I truly hope what I’m doing is helping him, making him more self-sufficient. I love spending time w/him, but I do not want to coddle him. I want him to learn how to do things for himself. And I love watching him “get” something new. I sure hope that’s enough.
I think that you have to go by your own instincts. When you hear a differing opinion, just take it as that (ignore the criticism part). And use that opportunity to revisit the way you are doing things. Maybe it’s time to make some changes. Maybe really minor ones. And maybe none at all. That’s for you to decide. No matter what though, never question your own abilities as a mother. No one knows your child like you do.
Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..What Would We Do Baby, Without Us
Thanks, Kate. It’s hard to be confident in your abilities when you’re under fire. I try really hard to balance between hovering and just letting him explore. I feel like it’s a fine line.