Archive for » May, 2009 «

Cleaning house

I am really and actually starting to feel like I’m getting some of the clutter cleared away. We live in a tiny place and that is HUGE for me. We really have so little storage that clutter piles up quickly.

I have some more pictures to upload soon and maybe I’ll figure out how to get some of this angsty stuff down on paper instead of floating aimlessly in my head, causing stomachaches and insomnia.

I don’t know about you all, but sometimes I have so much going on in my head that I cannot. turn it. off. Putting things on paper (or this site. details.) helps… when I can articulate it.

Behind blue eyes

Matching Blue Eyes

When I found out I was pregnant, I really and truly wanted a blue-eyed baby. Boy or girl, blue eyes please.

My dad has the most amazing blue eyes I’ve ever seen. Blue as the sky and so bright. They are striking. I so wanted my little boy to have those eyes. Instead, he got the same blue that I, my brother, and my mom have. They sometimes tend a little more towards gray, depending on what color we’re wearing. But my dad? His eyes never change – they are always the same vibrant pools of blue.

So while it’s nice that my boy has the exact eyes that I do, I wanted to pass on something else. The poor kid already has so many of my traits that it’s scary. He never even had a chance. I’m sure he’ll thank me (and never let me forget it) later.

Original, y0

The original facebook

I just had to share this pic that I made while goofing around with Picnik. I originally took it when I was trying to participate in a 365 project. I didn’t make it a whole year. But this was while I was in school, taking a literature class. On Proust. It was an amazing class. One day, I hope to reread all 6 books (In Search of Lost Time) at a slightly more leasurely pace. Ahem.

It’s a weighty issue

Okay, mothers. I’m a little miffed at you.

You and your secrets. Oh yeah, you tried to help me by telling me a few secrets here and there, things you swore no one talked about. The underbelly of motherhood. Things to watch for, things to help me keep my sanity.

But not one of you mentioned this. And I think I’m holding just a little bit of a grudge.

I heard that my body would change after childbirth. Of course it does! Things rearrange, get a little softer, a little saggier.

But not one of you told me how differently I would gain weight after having the Boobah. Are you feeling guilty yet? Well, doggone it, you should!

First, I had no idea it would be so freakin’ easy to gain weight. I lost weight pretty rapidly after the baby was born, and even kept it off for a while. But gradually, insidiously, it snuck back. All of it. And then some. I weigh as much as I did when I was 9 months pregnant. Heck, I probably look pregnant.

I am not happy about this.

Yet this is the worst part for me. It’s where I gain weight. I used to gain it low, in my abdomen. Now, it’s my abdomen, lower, higher, on the sides, on my back. THIS IS NOT FAIR. The weight is uncomfortable. It throws me off kilter. Makes me tired. Cranky. Unattractive.

Part of it is my activity level. And eating habits. I know that. But it is so much harder to motivate myself when I’m so stinking tired all of the time! Oh, and I hate to run. Hate it. I’m happy for you if you like it. It’s just not my thing. Not my bag, baby.

Walking, though, I can handle. So I am. I walked for 50 minutes today, and I’m going to try to do at least half that as often as possible. Because my back can’t handle the extra weight. My knees. And my eyes, when I look in the mirror.

And you moms are on notice. If there’s anything else you’ve neglected to share, you better spill now. Because this weight makes me cranky, too. And you won’t like me when I’m cranky.