Archive for » November, 2008 «

crash and burn

My late nights are catching up with me. We went to pick up a few things and I was dragging, barely able to keep my eyes open half the time. Even a coffee didn’t help. We got home and I completely crashed. I managed to stay awake until we put the kid down. Barely.

I think I slept an hour or two. It puts me behind schedule on things, but I couldn’t keep functioning without it. It’s time to find a compromise where I get some things done in the early evening instead of staying up until midnight. Something’s got to give, and it can’t be my sleep any longer.

How are you doing with your sleep?

Enjoy the little things

Today I’m trying to just enjoy the little things:

* I put some pomegranate juice in my last batch of iced tea. It takes a little more sugar than normal, but MAN is it good.

* Took a walk with the kid earlier this week. He fell asleep during the walk, I got a little time for coffee. We stopped by the park afterwards and played on the swings. His laughter was infectious.

* Pecan pie.

* Leftover halloween candy.

* A call from a friend whose son is 10 wks 3 days younger than ours. We made plans to get together next week. By the way, she’s 9 wks 2 days younger than I. We think that’s a pretty cool coincidence.

* The helpfulness of my husband. And his backrubs. Mmmmm.

* Getting the chance to watch my son’s developments, even as some things annoy me, because this time won’t last long. I’m hoping the whining is temporary. But I pray his laugh is always easy to come by.

* Remembering that I’m in the situation I chose and that it’s fleeting. And being grateful for getting to choose.

What little things are you enjoying right now?

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Category: babbling  4 Comments

Only five days in

And I’m already losing steam. Oh boy, this is gonna be a long month.

I’m at a loss today, especially after spewing yesterday about money worries. *sigh* Sorry for phoning it in. It’s been a long day. The boy is still on daylight savings time and it’s been kinda rough for him.

And he’s discovered a new cry that goes straight to the button that makes my eyes roll back in my head. Then he proceeds to use that cry intermittently. All. day. long. It’s a cry of frustration as he stands up and gets stuck, not knowing how to get back down.

I’m kind of hoping this particular stage doesn’t last too long.

Category: babbling, spawn  2 Comments

This time my wallet cries “uncle”

I knew it would be tough when we decided that I’d stay at home with the kid. I have some wonderful freelance jobs that help a lot. If I couldn’t bring in any income we’d be in some serious hurt right now.

But it’s still not enough. I don’t want my husband to get a 2nd job where we never see him. I don’t know how I’m going to bring in more money without working an incredible amount of hours. As it is, I feel like I’m ignoring my boy. Oh, how I wish I could give him my undivided attention all day, or at least most of the day. What I need is to work in the afternoon/ evening when Daddy’s home. I get to do some of that, which helps a lot.

I know I’m rambling. I just really feel like I’m drowning right now. School debt, dentist bills, credit cards. We had to use our credit cards a bit when I was on maternity leave and it has just kept going from there. Came home from voting to check the mail and find a bunch of bills. So depressing.

I’m trying to find places to cut our expenses. Getting rid of cable, but I need to keep the high speed internet. We’re still under contract for our cell phones. I might be able to lower the monthly rate. My car is paid off. The motorcycle is paid off. The truck is not. Right now we can’t be without two vehicles. I can’t be stuck at home if something happens with the kid. And our public transportation isn’t good enough to rely on it except for short jaunts locally.

We could sell a few things, but we really don’t have that much to get rid of. Books, which don’t have a great resale value. Some fishing equipment. Nothing that substantial. Most of it is only donation material – and I’ve never been able to donate enough to make it a decent write-off. (No home, so we rarely qualify for itemized deductions.)

I’d like to move to a cheaper area, but we can’t even pull together the extra cash for that. It’s hard to be positive when I don’t see us getting out of debt for a very. long. time. Regardless of which way the election goes.

I think I just lost my chance for mother of the year

Last night we ran to Target to get a few things. Our old Target was torn down and a newer, bigger Super Target replaced it. So we’ve been exploring the grocery aisles and other things.

We went by the kids toys, just for fun and to see if the kiddo took to any of them.

Let’s back up. Our kiddo loves a lot of things. Except toys that make noise. It took a long time for him to get used to his little baby gym – you know, the ones where they lie on their back and look up at stuff, bat at the things hanging above their heads? Yeah. He hated that. Didn’t like to have stuff hanging over his head, especially those that made noise. It took a while, but he eventually got used to them and even liked them.

But it took a loooong time.

Fast forward to BlogHer. In daycare, they had an alphabet toy from Leap Frog. It’s a big ball with a base to stand it up. The center spins, like a game show wheel (Price is Right, anyone?). He loved that toy at BlogHer. A month or more later, I finally found the same toy at Wal-Mart. I was elated to find it. Took it home.

He cried.

So I slowly reintroduced the toy, without sound. Eventually he got used to it and started playing. And now? Loves it.

Back to our scenario. Almost. In the mornings, when I give him breakfast, I turn on KPBS. It keeps him occupied while I’m fixing his food. He laughs and laughs at Elmo’s World. Thinks Elmo’s pretty hilarious.

So in Target, we spotted an Elmo. When you touch this Elmo’s foot, he says “Elmo loves you. Mwah!” Elmo said it once, and the kiddo just looked at him for a minute. I hit the foot and Elmo spoke again.

And the Boobah fuh-reaked out, started crying and squalling. Red faced. Terrified. J and I looked at each other, startled. And we bolted, to get him away as quickly as possible. We both felt really bad that he was so upset. We thought he’d like it.

Here’s where I lose mother of the year. I laughed. I couldn’t help it. His reaction was actually kinda funny. And sad. I felt bad for him, yet I saw the humor in it, too.

I have a feeling this isn’t the only time I will find a small slice of humor in something that I shouldn’t. Well, that my child thinks I shouldn’t. Please tell me you’ve done this, too.

Category: babbling, parenting, spawn  Tags:  2 Comments

Sleep deprived haze

I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. It’s gotten really bad. So bad, that I have a hard time getting up in the morning, even when the baby wakes up and cries.

I can’t sleep when he sleeps, because I need to get things done. Naps are so erratic right now that I need that time to finish up work. And after he goes to bed, more work. Until 12.30 or 1 am. That’s when I’ve been getting to bed.

Something’s got to give. And it can’t be my health, so I am trying to get on a better schedule where I get everything done earlier. I actually managed to get to bed at 10.30 last night. Of course, I couldn’t sleep even though I was exhausted.

How do you shut your mind off?

It doesn’t help that a couple of days ago I had some really bad nightmares, and in every. single. one. i was looking for the baby. Trying to find him. Or protect him. Or catch a plane, train, or bus. Always frantic. And they always ended badly.

Maybe I’ve been watching a little too much NCIS.

It also doesn’t help that I can’t even get out of the house before 2 or 3 in the afternoon most days. Again, in part because I’m just not getting enough sleep.

It’s such a vicious cycle. I hate it. And in order to try and change it, I’m going to bed. Now. Good night!

NaBloPoMo is here!

A year (or two) ago, Mrs. Kennedy (Fussy) started National Blog Posting Month, or NaBloPoMo. It was inspired by National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), in which participants write a 50,000 word novel in a month – November, to be exact. For NaBloPoMo, participants commit to blogging every day during November.

It’s an exercise in writing, to get us to write every day. So I will try write something every day for you. Some posts may be longer than others, of course. I tried to complete posting last year, but I wound up having my son during the month of November and couldn’t finish posting. Let’s see how it goes this year!

Anyone else participating?

Category: meta, miscellany  Tags:  2 Comments