Something BlogHer this way comes

It’s getting close. BlogHer happens next week. As it approaches, I’m inexplicably nervous.

I’m excited about seeing friends and representing Ask Patty. Juggling the kid and luggage and a stroller by myself and trying to take BART will be interesting, but I left myself plenty of time to handle it.

It’s the social thing. I don’t know if I can adequately explain it without sounding stupid or whiny or any more of a dork than I already am. I love to socialize with people I know. If I see an old friend, I’m more than happy to chat with them. It’s comfortable, to know people. And I will see plenty of people I know. I’m excited about that part.

But then there are the parties and people getting invited to private things and I suddenly feel like I’m the awkward girl in high school again. I want to belong, I want to be a part, but I’m just not quite good enough. And I know that. I know I’m not an A-lister or even known outside my circles. I get that. But when I start to see buzz about this party and that party, well, I want to go, too. I know they can’t invite everybody. And there will be parties that I *will* get to go to. I know that.

There’s still a tiny part of me that feels a bit left out. A bit “not good enough.” And here’s why. After BlogHer, I love to go around and read everyone’s posts about who they met and what they did. It’s so much fun. And there are always the posts about who people met and who they saw. I always make it a point to mention everyone I can remember and everyone who gave me a card.

And then I go around and read everyone. And none of them find me important enough to mention. Yeah, it hurts a tiny bit. Maybe I shouldn’t care, but I do just a little, deep down. Because they’re all nice when I’m there and talk about how much fun we had, yadda yadda. And I feel like I made friends (and I have, don’t get me wrong). But it’s almost like a contest to see which “big names” people can brag about talking to, seeing, and partying with. And yeah, I’m left sitting on the sidelines while everyone dances. I’m the one who was at the party, but no one remembers.

Right now, I’m having trouble with that part. I’m trying to concentrate on the goodness that I know I’ll see, the old friends, and the potential new ones.

It’s tough when who you are in person doesn’t quite translate to a blog, to a computer screen. Maybe it’s because I’m way more reserved here than I am in person. Because meeting people face-to-face is still different than writing online for me. I can tell you about my deep-dark fears, but if I write them down someone will inevitably use them against me. (And they have. Oh, how they have.)

ETA: I should add that I’m not talking about the official BlogHer parties. They are all-inclusive. There are other parties by sponsors, and things like that, which are exclusive. They invite people for whatever reason. Maybe someone they already have a relationship with. Those are the parties I’m talking about. And they have every right to invite whom they want. I get that. And there’s limited space, for certain. I know it’s not rational for me to feel left out. But I still do. I just like being a part of things. I think we all do.

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8 Responses
  1. Bloggymommer (2 comments.) says:

    I can send you to BlogHer with interview questions and conversation topics, and if they bomb, you can blame the stupid questions and awkward conversations on me!

    “Oh, Hi, Amalah, Bloggymommer asked me to ask you what kind of Grade A smack you were on when you wrote the Armpits of America post. That was some funny stuff.”

    “Hello, Mochamamma, listen, Bloggymomer asked me to smell your hair and report back to her… would you mind leaning over, you’re a little tall.”

    I went to BlogHer in 2006, with the sole purpose of getting a picture with Jenn (Mommy Needs Coffee). I made a total ass out of myself on the morning that she got eaten by her hotelroom, and just wasn’t in the mood. You could pull “listen, your crazy stalker Bloggymommer asked me to grab a picture with you, so she could live vicarously and stalk you from afar.”

    Elise (BlogHer) introduced herself to me, and I FELL OVER ONTO MY ARSE (for NO REASON) while shaking her hand at the WeightWatchers gazebo.

    I think I made three friends the whole weekend, but, you know what, the three friends were worth it. Go, be awkward, have fun!

    Bloggymommers last blog post..Happy 4th of July

  2. becky says:

    Haha! Thanks. I may have to try some of them. ;)

  3. Skye (13 comments.) says:

    Becky, I was actually hoping I’d run into you this year. You liveblogged my tech session with Virginia last year. Not my best performance, but I enjoyed meeting you and was hoping to talk with you more this year since last year I was in pregnancy haze and couldn’t quite figure out what to say. And I was crap about linking to people after the conference.

    I’ll have baby in tow this year, too, though he’s only 20 lbs and his grandma will be taking care of him. But I was the volunteer in charge of coordinating the child care set up, so if you have any questions or concerns about that, please ask me. There will be a lounge for mamas to breastfeed, too.

    Hope we can connect! Unless you don’t want me at your party. ;)

    p.s. Thinking of you trying to manage all that on BART worries me. I will PayPal you cab fare, honest, or if you’re getting in anytime near 1:45 p.m. on Thursday, let me know and maybe we can team up and have 3 adults and 2 kids, much better odds.

    Skyes last blog post..Overheard In The Living Room

  4. becky says:

    Skye, thanks for your comment! I emailed you more about this, but I certainly hope I get to see you there!

  5. Oh hun, we all feel like that at different functions whether it’s blogher or not. But if I get to meet you, I will totally mention it on my blog!!! So be on the lookout for a fat girl in black:) That will be me trying to pretend I fit in no matter what!..LOL.

    A Cowboy’s Wifes last blog post..Photography Tips: Standing Tall

  6. becky says:

    Yeah, I always hated feeling left out, even if someone didn’t MEAN to leave me out of the parties. There will be plenty to do at BlogHer, and I’m sure I won’t miss not going to the non-BlogHer-sponsored parties. Until I hear how much fun they were, of course. I’ll get over that part.

    It’s the other thing that’s actually more troubling to me. And I don’t know why it bothers me so much. It really shouldn’t. I’m just so excited when I get home that I’m eagerly reading what everyone had to say, running off to read the blogs of my new friends, and they mention everyone they met. Sans moi. I can’t help but hurt just a little. I get over it until the next year, where it happens all over again. I don’t go so I can hand out cards and get linked. I hand out my cards because I want to hear from people, want to find things in common, want to make new friends.

    I’ll be pushing around a big baby boy in a bright orange stroller (he’ll be in daycare most of the day, but I’ll have him at the cocktail parties). Please stop me and say hello. :)

  7. Velveteen Mind- Megan (1 comments.) says:

    So are you coming to our party on Thursday night or not? It’s the only party you need fret over and you are already invited. Hello? The People’s Party! You are people!

    Velveteen Mind- Megans last blog post..Because I’m a Joyful Girl

  8. becky says:

    Yes, yes, coming to the People’s Party! I wasn’t talking about you all. Really I wasn’t. I would have made it last year if I hadn’t arrived so freakin’ late on Thursday night.

    Gawd, I didn’t want to sound like a total whiner about the “other” parties. I’ll be having so much fun that I’m sure I’ll forget about whatever it was I originally wanted to go to. Either that, or I’ll be too tired to care. Hah!