Unblessed silence

I’m rarely at a loss for words. I can – and regularly do – talk your ear off. It may not be anything terribly deep or life-changing, but I can chat with the best of them. I consider my blog a place to chat with ‘teh intarwebs’ and find some common ground with other people.

And I have so much going on in my head I don’t know how to get it out. I go from full-on panic to absolute confidence that everything will work out. I go from certainty that I don’t have enough work to the assurance that I have plenty to keep me busy. Of course, plenty to pay the bills is a whole other story.

I struggle with finding a balance between giving my son enough attention and trying to get some freaking housework done once in a while. And other work, too, of course. The paying work almost always wins.

Today has been a rough day with a very hot, cranky baby to deal with. There’s no making him happy. It happens, but it tests the limits of my sanity. I’m a fixer. There, I said it. I like to help solve problems. I don’t like to see anyone hurting or upset and I will try to fix it if I can. Or I will want to fix it, even when I know I can’t. And it eats at me, this wanting to fix and not being able to.

And sometimes, babies just need to cry. Yet I wonder what’s wrong and what I can do. It’s very hard for me when that answer is “nothing.”

So today, we’re just trying to make it through to the next one with our sanity intact and everyone as comfortable and relatively happy as we can. And darned if that’s not easy sometimes.

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