Whatever you do – don’t panic. Too late!

As the finality of my decisions sink in, I start to feel a tight knot form in my stomach. I’ve never gone without a safety net, without the comfort of a regular job and a steady income. As I look at our budget, and think about insurance for our little one, the panic starts to set in.

And then I can’t sleep at night and want to sleep all day. I don’t want to work (at the day job) because I feel paralyzed. Yet not working kindof defeats things, doesn’t it?

Right now, I don’t have enough work to cover us. Right now, I don’t know where our insurance is going to come from. Right now, I am trying to avoid a full-blown panic attack.

I have my moments where I’m sure this writing thing will work out. And other times, when I realize that I must double the income that I think I need (because of self-employment taxes, paying for our own insurance, etc.), I wonder where it’s going to come from. Where am I going to get enough steady work? How will I juggle that and spending quality time with my family without working 18-hour days? What the hell was I thinking?

And other times, I see the smile on my boy’s face and it all just melts away. But as zero-hour approaches, it’s getting harder and harder to feel so confident, so ready to take on the world.

I know we’ll make things work. It’s hard to tell my inner worry-wart to shut up, though. She has some valid points that get in the way of my dreaming bigger – dreaming about what I can do when I’m truly free to do it. And for once, I really want to dream instead of worrying. Don’t you?

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3 Responses
  1. Michael says:

    Write a book; a declining market has a lot of opportunity – don’t buy off on all media talking about gloom and doom – fortunes are made in gloom and doom. Hell; who buys stock when its at peak? The media though sure talks up markets when they are riding high – that pulls in th everyday Joe and thus a tanked market drags. MAKE IT HAPPEN. Sell ad space on your blog – Pretend it someones elses buisness and your the Senior VP of Business Development – what would you do? Hire people to sell ad space and give them a commision? Just thoughts – good luck to you. Marketing = Money

  2. Michael says:

    Here’s the million dollar idea for a writer – do the reverse – have a web site or a blog directed at the weird going ons of PAPARAZZI – you could cover them not the star etc. Spots they like to hide out at (who’s tree do they hang from etc) – where they hide around George Clooney’s house – this will put you on the right side of the fence. It only takes being on the right side of the fence a few times for you financial woes to fall by the way side.

  3. becky says:

    Michael, that idea about the photogs? All kinds of awesome. And thanks for your comments. I appreciate them. I have my days where things are great, it’ll all work out, etc., and then days of doubt. I just have to get through those days of doubt.