I’ve been thinking a lot about being a mom. Things at work have had me reconsidering my role as a wife, mother, and employee. But that’s really another post for later. It’s the mother thing I want to talk about.
You see, I’ve been a “second” mom for ten years. My stepdaughter already has a mom, so that puts me in a secondary role in a lot of ways. I consider her my daughter, always have. Yet there’s a difference when you’re the primary mom, when you are the one who must take care of the most basic of needs for your child. While I had to care for her when her dad was out to sea, I still wasn’t really considered the parent.
But for the wee boy, I am. I’m there when he wakes up. When he cries. When he goes to sleep. And it gives me great joy to do so. These moments in time will only happen once for this small boy and I want to cherish every one. I’m not sure if we’ll have any more kids, so this may just be my only chance. If so, I don’t want to let a moment go by without being as fully present as I possibly can.
I’ve always known that my parents loved me. And I’ve always been fairly close to my mom. Yet I am just now understanding her love. The depth of it. The selflessness of it. The abiding, growing, encompassing bits of it. And it amazes me. Because now I really get it. I get how she has felt all of these years. Why she hugs me so tight each time I have to leave after I visit. Why she lets me go on & on in a phone call, never complaining if I take an hour to talk about nothing. Why she just likes to hear from me even when there’s really nothing new to report.
My heart has grown so much bigger, accommodating my husband, daughter, and son. I am so grateful for this chance to watch this amazing little boy grow up, and to see the incredible woman my daughter has become. In spite of the other frustrations and speed bumps that are going on, I feel incredibly lucky.
And you can call me corny, but every day that I stop and marvel at my family is a mother’s day for me. Every kiss, every hug. It’s so worth it. Even through the difficult times (which I try to remember are just temporary). I don’t want to miss a thing. Nor do I want to forget it. So if I talk a lot about my kids, consider it a way for me to look back and remember later. And if you join me in the journey, I welcome you along.
So, thanks Mom. I understand so much more now. And I appreciate so much more now, too. I realize even more what an amazing woman you are. I love you.