Archive for » February, 2008 «

Four years, and counting

J and I got married four years ago today. Technically, today is our “first” anniversary, since this is the first time we’ve seen the date on a calendar since 2004.

It’s been quite a ride over these four years, and the six before that. And sometime soon, I hope I have to time to really dedicate a post to J and write down some of my thoughts about us.

Four years ago, I was still in junior college, working my tail off at work and school. J was transitioning from a mechanic to his first love, the sea. And now, I’m working part-time and freelancing, he’s a fishing tackle guru, our daughter has moved out and is halfway through college and our little son is 3 months old. Life isn’t always easy, but it certainly has been (mostly) good to us.

Here’s to forty or fifty more (mostly) good years, darlin’.

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getting back to work, and not wanting to

Monday I go into work for the first time in three months. It seems like so much longer than that. And yet, not long at all. How long it’s been doesn’t matter.

What matters is that I’m a nervous wreck.

I haven’t been away from our boy (soon to be named, “Tank” because Wee One just DOES NOT apply anymore) since he was born. The longest I’ve left him was a run to the store, which I can see from my bedroom window. And on Monday, I’m expected to be away from him for 4 hours. Not 15 minutes. FOUR hours. And I’m beside myself. I start crying every time I think about it. Why?

Because my exclusive time with him is over and from here it’s just more time away and more separation. There will never be this time again. He’ll start depending on me less and before I know it he’ll grow up and move away. And I’m not ready for any of that.

Going back to work isn’t a big deal. Once I get caught up, I can work from home (for a few months, anyway). We need the insurance. So I’ll do what I have to do, because we need the money and the coverage.

But really, it’s what it symbolizes that rips my heart out. The little guy still needs me. I know this. But it still signals the end of something that I’m not ready to face. I have no choice, and I think that’s what hurts the most.

I really have no choice.

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getting back to work, and not wanting to

Monday I go into work for the first time in three months. It seems like so much longer than that. And yet, not long at all. How long it’s been doesn’t matter.

What matters is that I’m a nervous wreck.

I haven’t been away from our boy (soon to be named, “Tank” because Wee One just DOES NOT apply anymore) since he was born. The longest I’ve left him was a run to the store, which I can see from my bedroom window. And on Monday, I’m expected to be away from him for 4 hours. Not 15 minutes. FOUR hours. And I’m beside myself. I start crying every time I think about it. Why?

Because my exclusive time with him is over and from here it’s just more time away and more separation. There will never be this time again. He’ll start depending on me less and before I know it he’ll grow up and move away. And I’m not ready for any of that.

Going back to work isn’t a big deal. Once I get caught up, I can work from home (for a few months, anyway). We need the insurance. So I’ll do what I have to do, because we need the money and the coverage.

But really, it’s what it symbolizes that rips my heart out. The little guy still needs me. I know this. But it still signals the end of something that I’m not ready to face. I have no choice, and I think that’s what hurts the most.

I really have no choice.

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passing on

My phone rang pretty early this morning. The ring tone meant it was one of two people. Usually, it’s my best friend calling. But my caller id said “Mom & Dad” and my heart sped up just a bit. Mom doesn’t risk waking me up unless it’s something important. And that’s usually not good.

My cousin Ray died this morning. I don’t know any details, not even how it happened. He was quite a few years older than I, already an adult by the time I had any memories of him. But I still grew up with him in my life. He was quirky. Funny. He was just always there. And now he’s not. I do believe this is the first of her children that my aunt has lost. She must be beside herself right now. I wish I could go back to be with everyone, even though there’s not really anything I can do.

Dad recently sent me some of Ray’s old home movies. I hadn’t watched them, due to time, but we popped it in the DVD player just after mom’s call. I sat and watched so many of my cousins grow up. I saw my mom and dad when they were newly married, and so cute. And then I caught my breath when my Granny came on screen. I wasn’t expecting to see her or Grandpa. And I started crying. I miss my family. I miss my grandparents, my uncle who died several years ago (almost 10, I think), and all the others who’ve already gone on.

And then I looked down at my son, patiently watching the moving pictures with us. Life goes on in our children.

So tonight, I hold my little boy and my husband a little closer, thankful for every minute together that God graces us with. Hold your family close. Hug your children a little tighter tonight. Happy Love Thursday, everyone.

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putting diabetes on hold

When I went in for a 2-hour Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT) about 2 weeks ago, I was a little nervous. Because I had gestational diabetes, I am at a higher risk of developing Type II diabetes. I called for the test results and one out of three numbers was a little elevated. When that happened during my pregnancy, they put me on a strict diet and I worked with a nutritionist to keep my blood sugar numbers at an acceptable level. I was also monitored twice weekly.

So when I heard that one of my numbers was a little high, I got worried. I went in to see the Nurse Practitioner the next Monday. I had the baby with me, and of course he got hungry while we were there. I was able to feed him when we got put in an exam room. By the time the NP got to us, the baby was sleeping on my chest. The whole hospital is big on breast feeding, and the NP has a 4-month old, so she totally understood. She didn’t mind that I was lying down the entire time we talked.

Yes, I have one high number, she said. However, it can take up to six months before my body really starts returning to normal. She’s more worried about my baseline numbers, the ones in the morning before I eat and before I go to bed. So she told me to go back to checking my sugars. But only morning and night (at least 2 hrs after I’ve eaten). If things are high then, she wants to discuss it more. Otherwise, we’re just going to wait and see.

While I don’t get out of things completely yet, it could be worse. I only have to check twice a day. I don’t have to remember to look an hour after eating. I should be watching what I eat, but not as strictly as I did before. As long as my base numbers are low, then I should be fine.

And that’s a big relief for me. Of course, I’m not 100% out of the woods yet. I’m still at risk. But I don’t have diabetes right now. I’ll take it. It’s a small victory, but I certainly could use it.

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Putting diabetes on hold

When I went in for a 2-hour Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT) about 2 weeks ago, I was a little nervous. Because I had gestational diabetes, I am at a higher risk of developing Type II diabetes. I called for the test results and one out of three numbers was a little elevated. When that happened during my pregnancy, they put me on a strict diet and I worked with a nutritionist to keep my blood sugar numbers at an acceptable level. I was also monitored twice weekly.

So when I heard that one of my numbers was a little high, I got worried. I went in to see the Nurse Practitioner the next Monday. I had the baby with me, and of course he got hungry while we were there. I was able to feed him when we got put in an exam room. By the time the NP got to us, the baby was sleeping on my chest. The whole hospital is big on breast feeding, and the NP has a 4-month old, so she totally understood. She didn’t mind that I was lying down the entire time we talked.

Yes, I have one high number, she said. However, it can take up to six months before my body really starts returning to normal. She’s more worried about my baseline numbers, the ones in the morning before I eat and before I go to bed. So she told me to go back to checking my sugars. But only morning and night (at least 2 hrs after I’ve eaten). If things are high then, she wants to discuss it more. Otherwise, we’re just going to wait and see.

While I don’t get out of things completely yet, it could be worse. I only have to check twice a day. I don’t have to remember to look an hour after eating. I should be watching what I eat, but not as strictly as I did before. As long as my base numbers are low, then I should be fine.

And that’s a big relief for me. Of course, I’m not 100% out of the woods yet. I’m still at risk. But I don’t have diabetes right now. I’ll take it. It’s a small victory, but I certainly could use it.

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Go and see me over there!

I am so excited to finally announce this:

I just joined the team over at AisleDash. I will occasionally mention it, but I’ll try not to bug you with the “go see me!” posts. Unless it’s something I’m particularly proud of, of course. wink

You can go to this page to see a list of my articles, if you’re so inclined.

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Week 11 letter to my son

Dear Wee One:

Mama probably won’t write a monthly newsletter like some moms do. It will be more sporadic than that and may or may not include pictures. It doesn’t mean that Mama loves you any less than those other moms love their kids. Mama will just write to you when she feels she has something to say.

In the last 7 weeks, you’ve started to develop a personality. You’re so funny. You smile a lot, a huge, lopsided grin that cracks me up every time. And you’re starting to laugh, too. It’s my favorite sound in the whole world. Sometimes, when you’re eating, you pause and look up at me and grin before going back to eat some more. That’s my favorite part of the day. I want this time to last just a bit longer, this bond we have.

You’ve discovered how to get your hands to your mouth and you’re starting to suck on your fist. Occasionally you get your thumb in your mouth just right. But you still prefer to chew on your whole fist. But you don’t have complete control over your arms and hands. You still flail a lot and smack yourself in the noggin or scratch your face. But it’s getting less frequent.

more…

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Week 11 letter to my son

Dear Wee One:

Mama probably won’t write a monthly newsletter like some moms do. It will be more sporadic than that and may or may not include pictures. It doesn’t mean that Mama loves you any less than those other moms love their kids. Mama will just write to you when she feels she has something to say.

In the last 7 weeks, you’ve started to develop a personality. You’re so funny. You smile a lot, a huge, lopsided grin that cracks me up every time. And you’re starting to laugh, too. It’s my favorite sound in the whole world. Sometimes, when you’re eating, you pause and look up at me and grin before going back to eat some more. That’s my favorite part of the day. I want this time to last just a bit longer, this bond we have.

You’ve discovered how to get your hands to your mouth and you’re starting to suck on your fist. Occasionally you get your thumb in your mouth just right. But you still prefer to chew on your whole fist. But you don’t have complete control over your arms and hands. You still flail a lot and smack yourself in the noggin or scratch your face. But it’s getting less frequent.

You are drooling a lot more this week, so I wonder if we don’t have long before you start teething. I guess we’ll find out soon enough. I’m not looking forward to that only because I have a feeling it will be painful for both of us. You have strong gums and you’ve used them on Mama more than once.

You’re really starting to rock the tummy time. You get your head quite a ways off the floor. And it takes longer each time before you get mad and start voicing your frustration. It won’t be long before you can push up enough to be on all fours. Mama kinda dreads that, too. Right now you’re pretty easy to keep in one place. That will be gone soon.

And you’re babbling a lot, too. You start out cooing and lalalala-ing. And Daddy and I talk back to you to encourage you to continue. But after a while, I think you get frustrated at not making yourself understood. And then it goes from cooing to mad yelling. We try not to laugh at you, but it is pretty cute to hear you go “wah!” in anger. When it devolves into crying, though, we always stop what we’re doing and make sure you’re okay. And even when you’re mad, you are still a joy to be around.

We love spending time with you. In just a few short weeks, Mama is going to have to go back to work. And she really isn’t happy about that. But her job provides the insurance, so she has no choice. She would spend all day playing with you and going places if she could. In fact, she’s working hard to find freelance writing work so she won’t have to leave more than part time to work. Mama has decided that you’re the best thing (next to Daddy) that’s ever happened to her and she wants to enjoy the time when you’re so small. It all goes by so fast.

We look forward to watching you grow and learn, Wee One. And I know I won’t be able to call you that for much longer. You’re already fitting your 3-6 month clothes quite well and have been for a few weeks. You’re probably gonna be a tall guy, just like Daddy.

We love you so much, Little One.

Love,

Mama

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BPA and health concerns merge

I’ve been reading a lot about BPA in plastics. It started when Kathy created Safe Mama to keep track of things like BPA and toy recalls. My worries have steadily grown. I really need to find some safe bottles for the wee one. Right now, I have some Playtex bottles. I think they are called Aire or something like that. I’ll need to check. But they are plastic and it’s doubtful that they’re safe. I’ve only used the bottles 3 or 4 times and actually haven’t even heated the milk in them. Wee boy has had the milk at room temp and he eats just fine. But when I start back to work at the office part time, I’ll need to pump regularly and he’ll be eating from bottles a lot more frequently.

Now, add in more worries. I just read some more info over at Mommy Off the Record and she mentions that BPA can cause many health issues. One of them is diabetes. For the last 2-3 years, I have been drinking from Nalgene bottles. They are not BPA free. While I don’t drink hot liquids from the bottle, it’s still possible that I have had exposure to BPA all this time. My bloodwork from Wednesday indicates that at least one of my numbers is elevated. Which means I’ll probably have to go back to monitoring again. Could BPA exposure be a contributor? I’m not sure how I would even know that, or if I can find out. What I do know is I’ve regularly been screened for diabetes over the years and I’ve always been fine. Why now? I really don’t know. But I’m back to being scared and worried again. I don’t want to do this.

But I don’t have a choice, do I? I’ll find out more on Monday when I go to see the nurse practitioner.

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