Archive for » January, 2008 «

Leaving the house with an infant isn’t as easy as it looks

I was so surprised to realize that it’s already Thursday. I’m not quite sure where my week went, but I know it was busy. Actually, I guess I do. I’ve been working hard this week. I’ve even gotten out of the house once. Maybe twice. Go me!

Even though I keep the diaper bag packed and ready to go, it still takes so much effort to get ready. Each time I get home, I immediately replenish the bag so I won’t have to if I’m in a rush next time. But I still have to time things. The best time to leave? Right after a feeding, of course. But I have to sometimes change the baby’s clothes. Get myself ready. Gather the diaper bag, baby, a blanket or two, my wallet and cell phone, and see what else I’m forgetting. Keys! Must have the car keys if we’re driving. Well, even if we’re walking because the seat and stroller are in the car. So I have to balance all of this, get down to the car, get it open, put everything down so I can strap the kid in. Oh, and I have to remember not to bash his head against the door frame. I haven’t done that, but since I manage to regularly hit my head, it’s probably only a matter of time before I conk his noggin.

And then, the strapping in commences. Oh my, how the child hates to be strapped in to his car seat. My normally bubbly, smiley boy turns into a screaming, crying hellion for a few minutes. Until we get moving. Must. get. moving. NOW. So I try to hurry, and fumble a lot because, good lord, the screams. You’d think I was boiling him in oil and dipping him in ketchup. Or something. But once I get him strapped in, I have to rearrange all of our accessories so they don’t dump out the instant I open the car door. (Yes, that has happened, why do you ask?) And then I have to get my frazzled self into the car, get it started and GET MOVING. He does settle down fairly quickly once we’re on the road.

But when we get to our destination, I have to reverse the procedure. Except, he stays in his seat and the whole thing pops into the stroller. Man — that thing, with him in it? Is heavy. And awkward. I know the middle of the back seat is the safest place, but it is darn difficult to crawl in there, pull the seat out of the base, lift it, and drag it back outside of the car and then lift it a bit higher to get it into the stroller. It’s times like these that I definitely remember my scar. Ow.

I think I once thought it couldn’t be that bad to get out of the house with a baby if you kept everything prepared. Hey, who listened to that and remembered it and decided to lay the SMACKDOWN? I realize I was young and stupid and had no idea. But do you have to remind me of that every time I try to leave the house???? Sheesh.

Oh, and my little angel? Is TEN weeks old today. Wow. This time is going by too fast. I wish I had the entire thing on video tape so I can play it over and over later. I want to remember how my heart melts each time that sweet little face looks up into mine and smiles. That makes all of it worthwhile, you know.

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when it rains it pours

I have been knocking on doors for the last several months, working to find some paying gigs. I can’t tell you how many e-mails I have sent, how many hours I’ve spent looking at craigslist, trying to find something to augment our income.

And then, today I got a one-time editing gig from a job board that I’m trying for the first time. And I got an ongoing gig through a comment to another blogger that I am looking for work. I’d heard that those things happened, but apparently I just wasn’t talking to the right people. wink

I am so excited that things are starting to turn around. And as soon as I have more details, I’ll let you know what’s going on. Even though it’s pouring rain outside, it’s the good kind of downpour inside.

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bfd, indeed

Dear Dominos Pizza,

Come on, now. You can’t expect us to believe that BFD stands for Big Fantastic Deal. Or that you didn’t know what it means before you did the commercials. Seriously, we’re not that dumb.

Smarter than that,

Me

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parent’s choice you’re not

Dear Parent’s Choice:

When it comes to diapers, you aren’t.

Dear Pampers Swaddlers:

I love you.

Sincerely,

Me

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tired from this crazy day

What started out as a mellow day turned into a crazy, stressful one. J woke up this morning with arrhythmia. The last time he had it was 4 or 5 years ago. After waiting a good portion of the morning to see if it righted itself, and finding it did not, we called the doctor’s office. They sent us to the emergency room, where J was monitored for about 4 hours. The meds slowed his heart rate just enough, and so he was sent home with strict instructions to take his meds and come back on Saturday, Sunday, AND Monday. Oh, and he needs to see cardiology sometime in the next 7 days.

Needless to say, I’ve been a wee bit stressed today. It’s happened before, and we’ve gotten through it. And we were certain we would today, too. But it doesn’t stop a cold, hard dread from gripping my heart. Nor does it stop my worrywartedness (that IS SO a word).

J is my rock, my other half, the person that fills my days and nights with such love, stability, comfort, and joy that I would be lost without them. I love him more than I can put into words and it scares the bejeebus out of me to contemplate an existence otherwise.

Honey, the baby & I are glad you’re home. 

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time screams past

Well, it’s here. My little baby is already two months old. And that means I have less than a month before I return to work (part time). What I’d rather do is work from home, which I’ll get to do for a little while. But not long enough.

Right now, I have an adorable kiddo on my lap, stretched out in his “little cutie” sleeping gown. Sometimes I tear up just looking at him, thinking about how blessed I am. And then he wakes up and screams. I wince, wipe my tears, and change or feed him. In the beginning when I was more sleep deprived, it would make me nervous. And he could sense that and it only made things worse. It made it so much harder to comfort him. So my mom would take him and after a minute he’d stop wailing. And even sleep. I wondered how she did that. And now? There are times when only mommy will do. The screaming and crying, which really aren’t that often in the scheme of things, only make me feel bad for the little guy. Unless I’m already stressed out over other things, it doesn’t bother me too much. I can only speak to how it is now. That may change if he starts crying all day and comforting doesn’t work. Because right now, when all else fails, the boob works. Who knows how long that will last? It requires that I’m constantly nearby, but it’s a (for now) sure-fire method.

And with that, I’m going to see if I can get out of the house long enough to run to the bank and deposit a check. Let’s hope all hell doesn’t break lose while I’m gone, shall we?

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Month one: a letter to my son

I wrote a letter at the one month mark for our little one. I’m not trying to copy anyone, or do it better than those that have done it. I’m doing it because I want to remember and I want to someday show these to the little guy. I’ve had it down on paper for almost a month now, but I’m just getting around to typing it. Number two will be coming in a week or so, too.

Dear Wee One,

You’ve been with us one month now. I waited 40 weeks to meet you and I wasn’t disappointed. We had a bit of an ordeal to get here, as your birth wasn’t easy. You’ll hear the story over & over. But I hope you’ll appreciate it when you have kids.

You are so beautiful that sometimes you take my breath and all thoughts away. I can’t believe you are here, even after all the work to actually get you here. You can already control your neck somewhat. You hold your head up for short periods and can lift and turn your head when you’re on your stomach. You get more alert each day. And you’re starting to smile. Daddy, Granna, and I will do all sorts of silly things to get you to smile. And my heart bursts every time that lopsided grin and dimples appear.

You have been so greatly anticipated! Granna absolutely loves showing you off. She took you all over the courthouse while we were there and introduced you to everyone at church this past Sunday. She truly adores you, as does Grampa. While you won’t remember this time with them, they certainly will. But we’ll have pictures and video to show you.

When you are eating, I just love to rub your soft little head and stare at the expressions on your face. I love the way you scrunch your face as you stretch. But when your tiny little hand grasps my pinkie, you wrap around my finger and my heart.

I never knew how strong, how all-consuming a mother’s love can be. There’s something about being totally responsible for a helpless person that changes you. It has changed me. I refer to myself as “Mommy” and “Mama” all the time. I talk to you a lot, telling you how much we love you, but also narrating what I’m doing. You love to be talked to. And you love to dance with Mama.

I can’t believe how much our lives have changed. But I truly love it. I love spending this time with you, Daddy, Grampa and Granna. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Welcome to our world, my little one-month-old.

Love,
Mama

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be safe, mama

SafeMama.com!

As I find stuff relating to child safety, I’m posting them over at Safe Mama. If you haven’t visited yet, come over and take a look. We’re gathering resources and putting them in one, easy-to-use site so you don’t have to look around to find resources. We’ve already done the work so you can spend time learning instead of searching.

And if you come across something interesting, or want to contribute, let us know.

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speechless

This is the most moving piece of writing I’ve read in a long time. It jumped up and kicked me in the gut, took away my ability to breathe.

I’m not sending you there to gawk or judge. She’s my friend and I care deeply for her. But we don’t talk often enough for me to know what was going on, how bad things were for her. Of course, I wish there was something I could do, but that’s not my place either.

If you have a friend who’s struggling, talk to them. Be there the best you can. Sometimes you can’t help. But sometimes letting them know someone cares is enough. (Know that sometimes it’s not, either.) Don’t abandon them because of the “drama.” Be the friend they can count on.

Hold your friends close. Tell them you love them.

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dealing with mommy guilt

Right now, I am trying to figure out how I can unpack from our time away, clear the other clutter, and get some work done. Without feeling like I’m ignoring the baby. When he’s awake, I want to spend time with him because he’s growing so fast. If I sit him in the bouncy, or lay him on the bed propped up in his boppy, I feel like I should be talking to him or playing with him. It goes by so fast. But I also have things I need to do. Will I kick myself later for not spending enough time with him when I had the chance? Will the things I think are important now not seem so important in retrospect? I have maybe a month and a half (at most) left of leave. Then what?

How do you reconcile these things? Do you ever?

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