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Our time with my parents is slowly drawing to a close. We have about a week left. I’m trying not to let our impending departure mar the rest of our time here.

But it’s hard, y’all.

I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to take my child away from his grandparents, especially since I don’t know when they’ll get to see him again. I want them to spend time with him as a baby. They grow so fast! But pictures and videos will have to do. I watched my mom with the Wee One today when it hit me we have such a short time left. And I almost broke down and cried right there. Instead, I sobbed in the shower where no one could hear me.

I knew this was going to be hard. I just didn’t realize the extent.

I don’t want to go home. But I have to. And yes, that reality bites.

Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas (or a really nice day if you don’t celebrate).

Having a mellow day, just relaxing. Baby’s been fussy for a coupla days, but seems better today. We had him in an adorable outfit today. Not exactly traditional, but so cute! Will post when I get around to downloading pics off of the camera.

I hope you’re getting to spend time with people you love. I know I am, and I’ve never been happier.

I see so many moms that blog and ladies, I don’t know how you do it. I can barely find the time to keep up with my paying freelance work, and my poor personal writing has suffered for it. And I have willing hands to take the baby for a few minutes here & there! But I guess we all have priorities and mine have included sleep.

The (not so) Wee One still has his days and nights mixed up, but it’s getting a little bit better. Slowly he’s becoming more alert and will sit contentedly and look around while I’m cooking or eating. Yay, I’m finally getting to eat with everyone else! For a while, the kiddo had impeccable timing. But he’s finally letting me eat.

He’s a month old and I keep composing a one month letter to him in my head. I’d really like to get it down on paper soon. And I’ve written a rough of his birth story, which I need to work on, too. It’ll get easier, I know that. I’m trying to (still) balance getting things done with enjoying every last moment with him. I know it goes so fast. He’s already a month old!

I went to church today, but didn’t tell my mom that I was coming. I arrived between services, found her, and handed over the baby so she could show him off. She really enjoyed getting to show “her baby” to everyone. The smile on her face as she held him during the Christmas service was totally worth it. We’re all really enjoying this time together. All too soon we’re going to have to leave (but not until just after new year’s). I’m tearing up a bit just thinking about it, as I know it’s going to be incredibly hard on all of us. I always cry when I leave. But this time, I won’t know exactly when they’ll get to see their grandson again. And that sucks.

I could have sworn that I blogged more this week. Time is really going by fast.

We went to Bass Pro Shops yesterday, my husband’s favorite store around here. The baby did well – he was quiet and slept a lot. But man, did I pay for that last night. He was up every hour to hour and a half. I am so exhausted today.

I’m not yet sure how to keep him awake during the day without harassing him too much. I hope it eventually works out to where he’s more awake during the day and sleeping a few hours at night, because he was cranky. Nothing would quiet or comfort him but feeding. And when I tried to take him off, he’d start fussing again. I’m hoping this doesn’t last long. Thank goodness my hubby is around. He was a rock star this morning, taking the kid and entertaining/ distracting him so I could get a couple hours of sleep. I have to make sure I get a nap during the day when the baby does so if he stays up at night I’ll at least be a little more rested.

So the kiddo is starting to be more alert. He opens his eyes and looks around, seemingly interested in what’s going on around him. And we’ve started experimenting with the baby swing. It seems to be working for short periods of time.

I can’t believe how strong this kid is. He holds his head up – for short periods – on his own. Once in a while he tries to pull himself up with his arms when I have a good grip on his hands. His jaws are quite powerful, too. Um, ouch? And he kicks like a soccer player, especially when he’s lying on my chest and his legs are lined up with my stomach.

While I’m still getting used to being at the mercy of someone else’s demands and schedule, I do love it. I love being his mommy. And my family’s supportive, taking him when I need a break or encouraging me to nap when I can. I know this time goes so fast, so even when I’m frustrated I try to remember to just relax.

I don’t have a lot of time to write, though, right now. I feel like I’m ignoring him if I do something else, when I should be making memories. But I think I’ll eventually get into a routine that allows me to write. At least, I certainly hope so.

We left on Thursday afternoon so we could beat the incoming weather system. And we did, barely. It’s raining off & on at Mom & Dad’s, and we’re only a couple degrees away from freezing. An ice storm cometh.

Traveling with a two-week old infant is interesting. We stopped frequently to get the Wee One out of the car seat and to feed him. He did pretty well until the last 3 or 4 hours of the trip. At that point he was just DONE with the seat. He’d had enough. We had to stop much more frequently and get him out of the seat. And when he was in it, he was pretty much inconsolable. Poor little guy.

He’s enjoying the attention from Gramma, though. She is willing to hold him any time he’s awake or sleeping, and didn’t even mind when he spit up a LOT all over her (and himself).

Having Gramma and Grampa get to see the little tyke for a few weeks makes the long drive totally worth it. We’ll be taking a lot of pics to document everything. It’s good to be home.

So the wee one is rapidly not so wee any more. He weighed in at 10 lbs today. At 11 days old, he’s already past his birth weight. He’s going to be a chunk.

Today, I felt more inadequate than I ever have in my life. We had a minor medical procedure done and nothing I did could comfort him. And it was so very hard to watch him in pain and be unable to do anything to make it better. It was even hard to hold him, because it didn’t seem to comfort him or do him any good. Instead, I wanted to hide in a corner somewhere and cry my eyes out for failing to be able to help him.

I know he’ll be fine and won’t remember anything. But still, seeing your child hurt and being unable to stop it or even fix it afterwards is HARD.