You know how as soon as you can’t have a drink of water, you want one? That’s what I’m going through right now. I’m trying hard to stick to the menu I was given (but I still haven’t gone to the class so get the blood sugar monitor – that’s coming up).
I’ll say it: it sucks. And it’s tough. I feel like I’m constantly eating. That’s what happens when you need to eat every 2-3 hours. Additionally, I have to closely watch my food combinations. No carbs or fruits without protein. Watch out for too much dairy. Avoid all sugars. It’s not easy. It took a few days before I realized that I shouldn’t be eating honey mustard dressing on my salad. And that I must have protein with EVERY meal (not a lot, just a small portion).
I’m having to adjust my whole lifestyle and it’s a big freaking inconvenience at times. Everything must be planned. Grocery lists, meals, snacks. I can’t go anywhere without making sure there will be appropriate food available or that I have something with me. And soon, it will include testing my blood sugar 4 times a day to make sure that I’m actually following the menus correctly, and to see which foods make my blood sugar spike. Yet I’ll probably only do this for two months. People with diabetes do this their whole life, day in, day out. I don’t know how they do it. Well, I do, because it’s either that or die. But I’m trying hard not to look at this as an inconvenience. I just haven’t had enough time to adjust.
I will adjust. I must.
As we ate supper tonight, I was wishing I could have some peach cobbler, warmed, with a little vanilla ice cream on top. Yet, as I thought about it, I realized I have a choice. Pie. Or Buddy. And when I think about it that way, I know I’ll go without pie the rest of my life if that’s what it takes to make sure I’m around to see him grow up.
I choose you, Buddy. Every 2-3 hours, I choose to make sure you’re healthy. As long as I keep reminding myself of that, it makes it worth the hassles. As long as I remember this is for you, I can give up that conference in Burbank. If it helps make sure that you have a good start, the best chance at being just fine, then this should be a piece of cake. Chocolate, even.
I choose you every time, kiddo. And I’ll tell you that face to face in about 8 weeks. So will Daddy. We love you.