I wrote this a few months ago when I was feeling a little frustrated. Funny enough, it was written in the morning and later that same day I found out I was pregnant. Given time, our outlook and priorities can change so much. While I may not quite be where I want to in my career, I’ll just have to work to change that, and not begrudge others their success. It’s tough sometimes, to smile when someone gets what you wanted. Even moreso when it seems like they stumbled on it or were handed it while you’ve been working your way up to that point.
Still, my thoughts and feelings on that original subject have changed. I’m not in a competition. I have to remind myself of that, because I compete with myself a LOT. I wasn’t as happy with me, and my life, as I am now. And that makes a huge difference in my outlook. I have to say that right now I am happy. Truly happy, the kind that makes me smile at everyone and wish that they could be grateful for everyone in their lives and everything they have.
The original:
it’s not easy sometimes, this working and going to school. i know it’s almost over and when it is i can say i finally have my degree.
but i see people around me succeeding where i wanted to succeed and doing things i really wanted to do. but i don’t have the time right now, so i can’t pursue more writing and photography. i see things come to other people—or fall in their laps—and i wonder why i didn’t get a chance. but i know it’s because i’ve been focused on school. and i have to remind myself that it’s not a bad priority to have at this time.
in one of my hobbies, i used to know a lot of people and enjoy being known back. if i had continued to be involved back then, when more people knew me, i could be helping a friend promote women in a male-dominated hobby. i chose school and she chose the hobby. she’s everywhere now and i think it’s so cool that she’s done so much. but i also, deep down, kinda wish i’d been able to do it too. with her, not instead of her.
i have to keep telling myself that we all have priorities and we all have to choose something at one point or another. my time will come, when i’m able to pursue my passions. that time is almost here. i just have to have some patience. but it’s so hard when you see others around you already doing what you wanted to do. and you wish it were you up there with them. or even instead of them. i’m trying to work through that, but it isn’t easy.
