Archive for » May, 2007 «

Coming Clean

You know I’ve been a bit vague and secretive recently, but it’s entirely possible that you’ve also figured out what’s going on. Although I said something a couple of posts ago, here’s the real news for those of you who haven’t figured it out.

11w6d, possibly even 12w6d (going public)

Yup, I’m pregnant. Due around the 3rd week of November, or so. So while I have a bit of free time this summer, that will all change in the fall. Heaven help me.

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school’s out… forever

It is quite weird to realize that I am really, truly out of school, and that I don’t have to rush to class or do homework when we get back. I have all summer to relax, read what I want, and get ready for our lives to change completely in the fall. But, at least I have a few months to relax before all hell breaks loose.

I checked my grades and they are finally in. I passed everything, which means I did actually earn the diploma. Yay! It was touch and go there at the end. I had some health issues that completely took over my life for a few days, pushing classes and studying to the back burner. Fortunately, though, it didn’t kill all the previous work. Get this: I finished with a 3.51 GPA (at State; it was 3.77 overall). That means I barely sqeaked by with a “cum laude” distinction, which will be printed on my diploma. Dude, cum laude! I thought I would be lucky to even pass my classes. Man, working my tail off in the beginning is what kept me from crashing & burning at the end.

I’m so glad to be done. And surprised I made it with my sanity intact. Or… maybe we’re still waiting on the jury for that part.

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a family affair

Well, here we are at mom & dad’s. I’ve already been napping, and we had mom’s amazing tacos. I’ve been craving those tacos for about a week. I can make tacos, certainly, but mom has a certain way of making them. And doesn’t food always taste better when you didn’t have to cook it? smile

We’re slowly letting people know that I’m pregnant. Told an uncle and an aunt. Most of the family should all know by the weekend. If nothing else, everyone will find out at the music party on Saturday night. So far, everyone’s excited for us. Not that they wouldn’t be or anything. I am so excited, yet afraid to be too excited, as if I might jinx it. But we’re past the most delicate part of things, so hopefully things are good from here on out. It’s just now becoming real that I’m going to have a baby.

Woah, I’m going to be a mom. I truly hope I can be as good to our child as my parents were to us. I think that’s something worthwhile to aspire to.

Posting may be sporadic until next week. I’ll try to post again soon. Going to town with mom tomorrow to pick up some things for dad. He’s building her some new kitchen cabinets. They are solid oak and absolutely gorgeous. I’ll try to post pics, even though they’re nowhere near complete. Right now he’s gluing the doors together, and then they need to be sanded and stained. But I think his handywork is quite amazing already. I could be a little prejudiced though. smile

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now that’s cool

dude. i just saw a guy wearing a white yarmulke with red stitching.

made to look like a baseball. heh. i thought it was cool – good sense of humor, i think.

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you’re the one that i want

So, I finally graduate from college with my bachelor’s degree tomorrow. I’m 33. All that hard work has finally culminated in the completion of a (very) longstanding goal. I am so excited. I’m also relieved to finally have my free time back… for a while.

As I sit here and gaze at my new class ring, I think of all the long hours and hard work that went into this. And not just by me, but by my family. They have sacrificed a lot for this, too. I have been taking classes on and off since about 1999. One class here, two there, a year’s break, and then back to classes. It was quite haphazard, until the Fall of 2005. That’s when I transferred to the 4-year university and realized my goal was attainable. I was over halfway there! So I decided to see how quickly I could finish, and I started taking from 3-5 classes at a time. I wanted to finish in two years. And you know what? I did. I worked full time while I was doing it, too.

But it wasn’t without a lot of crying, whining and gnashing of teeth. While everyone else was going fishing, eating out, getting together with friends, going to the movies, I was either at work, in class, or studying. That’s been my life for the past 2 years. And every time I thought I couldn’t make it, my husband reminded me of just how far I’ve come, and how I’m almost done, and how proud he is of me.

If I didn’t have my husband’s love and support through all of this, I wouldn’t have this degree. He has been my rock when I wanted to fold. My strength when I had none. And my determination when I wanted to quit. Thank you, honey, for sharing this journey with me. For being my neverending cheerleader, even when you rarely got to see me because of our varying schedules. Thank you for your kindness, and your willingness to help out. And thank you for your patience when I was stressed out and feeling overwhelmed.

This degree is as much yours as it is mine, darling. Thank you.

Happy Love Thursday.

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no more gilmore

After my final, I headed to a girlfriend’s house to watch the final episode of Gilmore Girls. Say what you will, I used to watch the show all the time until school got in the way. My friend invited some other ladies over, and they had all worked at the same publisher at one time or another. So there were five women with English degrees (well, almost!) in the house.

We ate and chatted while waiting for the show to start. Idly picking up an Entertainment Weekly with “Hermione” on the front, one of the girls started reading some of the reviews by Lisa Schwarzman (I think that’s her name? I’ll probably look it up later. It was Lisa something). Um, yeah. I’d forgotten why I never read that magazine. This woman uses the most pretentious metaphors any of us have ever heard. She used phrases such as “unsettling opaque mask of [something - I forgot what]” and “map of sadness on his face.” I think we were all ready to gag. Then we started pointing out various sections of the “map of sadness” on our own faces.

Look! There’s the ravine of melancholy! I think I see the eye of reason! Ooooh, look at that cheek of distaste! We got a little carried away. Yet we all agreed that few people besides an English major would bother with Lisa’s metaphor-heavy reviews. Sometimes, just coming out and saying it works wonders, Lisa. Think of who your audience is. Will the average reader really look at those phrases a couple of times to decipher your meaning? I think not.

more…

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she’s back!

Remember Julia from tequila mockingbird? She’s finally back to posting (sporadically) again. Something’s better than nothing, right?

And Mir from woulda coulda shoulda just got married. Go and congratulate her! If you’re not reading Mir’s site, you should be. She’s funny and a terrific writer.

It’s been a mellow day here. Studying, napping, avoiding studying. Hey, a typical Sunday! Three days left in school. Then graduation, packing, and heading off to the midwest for about a week & a half of downtime. And naps. Lots of naps.

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full or empty?

Are you a glass half full or glass half empty sort of person? I really try to look at the half full side, but I’m always secretly worried about the half empty side. Because it’s better to be prepared for what might come, right?

But a positive, half full attitude is usually healthier for you by far. And I know this. My glass is 90% full and 10% empty. And right now, I’m having a hard time ignoring that 10%. For my stress levels, for my health, for my sanity, I need not to think about that 10%, and what might happen. I’ve gotten reassurances about how that 10% is unlikely. Yet the fear of what that 10% may bring is still there, in the back of my mind, gnawing at my confidence that everything will be okay.

I must believe that everything will be okay.

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ambivalence

yeah, i’m feeling kind of ambivalent about blogging right now. i’m trying to write as frequently as i can, but it’s tough with so much going on. i just don’t have much to say that doesn’t involve work, school, or other things i can’t talk about right now.

my family has always been really private. they don’t think everyone needs to know your business. and that’s kind of hard when you’re from a small town. everyone knows. so maybe that’s why i’m uncomfortable with getting really personal. oh, sometimes i’ll post about my angst. but not as much as i could. i guess i just see how cruel people can be when you really put yourself out there. i’ve seen it happen with bloggers that are honest and raw.

maybe i’m a coward. maybe i don’t want to be judged. and maybe i just can’t bear to let people to get that close.

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the mom i want to be

Mother’s Day is quickly approaching. And although I won’t get to see my mom and hug her on Mother’s Day, I will get to see her the week after. And I am so looking forward to it.

My parents live almost 1800 miles away. I get to see them once or twice a year. It’s never enough. My mom is one of my best friends. She is so amazing. We can follow each other’s most bizarre thought patterns, knowing exactly how we got from cookies to volcanoes in Hawaii. We love to hang out, and she’s taking some vacation time while we’re there, since she couldn’t at Christmas.

I love going back to visit. It’s always really mellow. We don’t have a big agenda of “things that must be done”. We just hang out, and occasionally go to town to do something, like shop or maybe go out to eat. But it’s low pressure. My husband says after a day there my shoulders no longer have the constant tension that he’s trying to massage out for me. And this time, it will be even better because 1) I will be a graduate and not worrying about what homework I’ll have when I get back and 2) the family is throwing a music party and we finally get to go.

I grew up with music. My aunt plays guitar and mandolin. My uncle plays steel guitar, and several of his kids play instruments ranging from guitar to dobro. My mom sings, and so do I. Some of my favorite memories are jam sessions where everyone plays and sings. Over the last few years, they’ve started up the jam sessions again. I’m over the moon. Except, I keep missing them. They fall at a time when I can’t get there and I’m always “just” missing them. So this time, my aunt is planning one while we are there. I’m quite excited, even if I can’t yet play a note on my mandolin or guitar. Because eventually, I will.

My mom and I used to sing in church together. Our voices blend perfectly. We even have the same pitch, which kinda makes it hard to harmonize with her. But there’s nothing I love better than singing with her.

Mom is kind, patient, caring, loving, and a great wife to my father. I love her so much, and miss her constantly. I truly hope that in a few years we’ll be able to live closer to them and enjoy whatever time we have together. I’ve been away from home far to long.

Happy Love Thursday.

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