Archive for » March 14th, 2005«

still freaking …

i can’t concentrate. this is seriously freaking me the fuck out. the thought of someone having that notebook and reading it just kills me. seriously.
i can only hope that it fell behind the headboard or something & that i’ll find it when i get home. because i am going to rip that entire house apart & hope to gawd that i find it. i checked the car this morning & it’s not there. they didn’t find it on the boat last week. so it’s either behind the bed or mixed in with the stuff from the trade show. how mortifying. and who knows when they’ll dig through that stuff?!
shit. i can’t stop imagining someone sitting & laughing over my writing, my private thoughts, my sad attempts at stories, at me & how pathetic i am.
merde.

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panic attack

i can’t find my notebook. the notebook that contains all of my writing for at least the last 6 months. i haven’t used it in at least a couple of weeks, maybe longer. and now i can’t find it. i can’t remember where/ when i last used it. last i remember, it was by the bed. but it’s there 1/2 the time anyway, so who knows?
i write EVERYTHING in that book. writing exercises. freewrites. journaling. doodling. it’s very personal and private to me. and i couldn’t find it last night or this morning. anywhere.
and i am so freaking out right now!

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