Archive for » May 18th, 2004«


i only knew him through the comments he left at other people’s sites. but the sadness of his sudden passing has not escaped me. the outpouring of emotion makes me cry. he will be missed in this online world. sorely missed.
rest in peace, rick.


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utter randomness

i haven’t watched friends in ages, so i wasn’t torn up that it was going off the air. i did, however, watch the last hour of the ending – for old times’ sake, i guess. i think it only confused me. where was ross’s son and didn’t he & rachel have a baby? i’m not sure since i quit watching before that. i’d heard the talk about chandler & monica and may have even seen an episode or two. but where did a surrogate mother come in and how long had they been married anyway? time flies when you’re not paying attention or just don’t care.
i kept the tv on and saw er. it’s been even longer since i saw that, i think. but a few familiar characters were still there and watching visinjic (rawr) is always a pleasure. that episode, though, fucked me UP. this was the one where carter and his s/o lost their baby. the baby died in the womb and she still had to go through labor. it hit too close to home – someone very close to me had that happen to them. i cried and cried, the old wounds torn open and bloody. i guess you don’t ever really get over something like that.
then (the next week) i saw frasier’s last episode. believe it or not, i rarely watch network television. but i was home alone and have always liked the show, so i wanted to see the end. i enjoyed it thoroughly. while i haven’t watched it in a while (see the pattern here?), i knew the gist of what was going on. frasier was always well written and funny. i’ll miss it. the ending was fitting and mildly frustrating. perfect.
and once again, i kept the tv on longer than i should and saw er again. dammit, you’d think i would learn. the horror of seeing that woman crushed between two vehicles stayed with me far longer than i would have preferred. at least the season’s over – less likelihood that i won’t fall into THAT trap again.
i love the beginnings of summer. the warmer days that hint at what’s to come. the kiss of the sun preparing you for that tan you’re more than happy to earn. i love driving down the road, windows open, radio blaring feel-good music, sun shining, the smell of the ocean in the air. there’s nothing like it. it’s why i love summers in so cal. take last saturday for example. i had lunch outside, next to the beach, with a bunch of friends. that, my dears, is a perfect harbinger of summer.
i’m dying to go on a roadtrip. who’s with me and where are we going?
i went to dinner at a friend’s house the other day. we had some awesome food and a little bit of wine. afterwards, we started playing oldies. and then, the dancing commenced. we had those imaginary mics in hand, backup singers in place and we ROCKED. at one point, i sat and watched my best friend dance around, her hair flying, her face radiant. she’s gorgeous. if that’s what 37 looks like, i think i can handle it. she makes it look good.
i bought a new-to-me car over the weekend. we decided i would buy something newer than my 84 camry. something that would last so i wouldn’t have to buy another car for a while. and i found the perfect one – a 99 honda accord. the only thing i would change is to make it a manual transmission. other than that it is SWEET. and it makes me nervous. i haven’t owned a car this nice in years. seriously. i like not having to worry about whether someone dings your door or bumps your bumper. i like not worrying about whether it’ll be there when i get back or if someone decided they deserve it more than me. i loved not having a freaking payment. i don’t like committing to that much debt. j says not to worry, that we’ll afford it just fine. i still cringe at signing my life away. but it’s bigger and it’s reliable. the two things i needed most. that and the pass through to the trunk. because i have to be able to fit a 9′ fishing rod or the car’s not worth it.
but you know what? i hate buying cars. especially on my own. i want someone else to take care of it for me. but j’s not around and i really need to learn to do it anyway. yes, i negotiated the price down and a good trade for my other car. but i still worry that i was taken, that i wasn’t aggressive enough. because the sales guy AND the finance guy commented on my “shrewd negotiating” skills. i think they were patronizing me and that is one of the things i hate. most. in. this. world. i at first went to the new car dealership, by mistake, thinking that the new & used would be right next to each other. i walked around for at least 20 minutes or more, to see how fancy and expensive the new cars are. and to see if anyone would come talk to me, a woman alone & peering into all of the cars. not one person bothered. oh, they went up to the couples, but completely ignored me. i hate that shit. on the other hand, the used car guy came right out. he was older. i wonder if he thought i’d be an easy mark? he kept suggesting different things to me, and i kept refusing and repeating what i was looking for – something around a 98 accord for under $10K with not-so-heavy mileage. he groaned, saying that might be hard to find. but i had plenty of time. i went to a honda dealership because i’ve seen too many of the little used-car-only places that seem to be a bit, um, shady. but i still wonder if i got taken. will they fix the pull to the right, or say it wasn’t alignment and i only specified that they had to do an alignment? am i getting taken by purchasing the service contract or is it worth it for peace of mind – because if anything at all goes wrong mechanically for seven years they have to fix it? i just hate dealing with this shit. but it’s still under warranty and honda’s pretty reputable, so i’m hoping that things will be fine. but it still sucks to be a woman and deal with car shit.
i didn’t sleep at all the night i brought my new car home. worried about the debt it puts us in. it’s nowhere near as much as a new car – i refuse to buy a new one. but things have been going so well and we’re so happy. i’m pessimistic in that i’m worried what’s going to screw it up next. sad, isn’t it? i’m trying so hard to remember to just enjoy the happiness while it’s there however long it lasts, and not borrow trouble. be prepared, but don

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much to say, but no time

i have a lot to say, but haven’t had time to adequately write about it. the end of friends. and frasier. the er season finale. the beginning of summer. road trips. my friends. my new(er) car & how dealerships treat women. pessimism when things go well.
i keep telling myself i’ll make time. but i’m too busy doing to write about what i’ve been doing. things will slow down and then i’ll try to make some sense of it all.
i’ve spent too much time @ work in front of a keyboard, so i don’t always want that to be the end to my evening, too. how else do we prevent rsi’s, hmm?
consider this an “i’m alive and haven’t forgotten this place/ reminder of what i want to say” post.

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