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I didn’t try sushi until I moved to San Diego about 12 years ago. Okay, so I’d had California Rolls, but I don’t really consider that very close to “real” sushi. But a friend took me out to try sushi and had me try just about every type of sushi you can find. And I loved it. All of it. (Even mackerel. Shhhhh.) I’ve been eating sushi (and sashimi) ever since.

When I got pregnant with the Boobah, it wasn’t the coffee or wine restrictions that got me. It was sushi. My husband’s a fisherman. A lot of our friends are fisherman. We have fish all the time. Good fish. Sashimi-quality fish. And a large portion of my pregnancy occurred during tuna season. Prime sushi eating time. Seeing all of that wonderful tuna pass me by was torture. I got over it. Eventually. I may or may not have pouted just a little bit. What?

A few days ago we got tickets to go to a fundraiser for a friend’s soccer team. It was a small affair, mostly people from J’s office. We didn’t know what to expect, but we did know it was for all-you-can-eat sushi. Aw yeah, count me in. The address wasn’t familiar, but we knew a bunch of fishermen weren’t going to go and eat bad sushi. And we were totally right.

The sushi was friggin’ awesome.

We went to Sushi on a Roll. It has a small storefront and it’s easy to miss if you’re not looking closely. But, oh, do you want to look closely. Trust me. The owner, Jeff Roberto, was named 2009 Chef of the Year by Chef de Cuisine. He was so nice and personable. And his place is great.

Sushi on a Roll isn’t a typical sushi restaurant - they only cater. But his facility is set up to host private parties. It features a circular sushi bar, with a center spot for the sushi chef. There’s a big screen in the corner where you can watch movies or play video games. And it’s BYOB, so you can drink what you like and not worry about paying outrageous corking fees.

It was a lot of fun. A great night out with friends. Awesome food. If someone you know mentions inviting you to this place for a party or for sushi-making classes, do NOT pass it up. Because if you do, you’ll hear about how awesome and amazing the food was and you’ll kick yourself for not going.

I’m already wondering how we can get a party together to go again. It’s that good.

As you may have, ahem, noticed I’ve been struggling. With a lot that I won’t get into right now but may later. Or may not. I’m not sure.

But one of the things that has been bothering me is this: I look at what we don’t have and what isn’t working way too much. It’s enough to make one a wee bit disgruntled. And I’m trying to change that.

So as often as I can, hopefully once a week, I’m going to try to concentrate on what’s good and happy in my life. Remember to have a little gratitude even as we’re struggling. And that brings us to this.

Gratitude in my Attitude.

I need more. Do you? If people express interest, I’ve thought about making it one of those little weekly dealies where other people can post the graphic and talk about being grateful even in hard times. Or good times. Wherever they are at the moment.

So for this first time, I’m grateful for things to look forward to. Even as I worry about work, money, bills, etc., there ARE things to look forward to. I’m trying to remember that and enjoy the antici………… pation of it all. Instead of dreading. I’m a worrier and that is a big step for me.

So anticipation. It’s a good thing.

What are you grateful for right this moment?

You know how motherhood sometimes just chews you up and spits you out?

Today is one of those days.

I am really and actually starting to feel like I’m getting some of the clutter cleared away. We live in a tiny place and that is HUGE for me. We really have so little storage that clutter piles up quickly.

I have some more pictures to upload soon and maybe I’ll figure out how to get some of this angsty stuff down on paper instead of floating aimlessly in my head, causing stomachaches and insomnia.

I don’t know about you all, but sometimes I have so much going on in my head that I cannot. turn it. off. Putting things on paper (or this site. details.) helps… when I can articulate it.

When I found out I was pregnant, I really and truly wanted a blue-eyed baby. Boy or girl, blue eyes please.

My dad has the most amazing blue eyes I’ve ever seen. Blue as the sky and so bright. They are striking. I so wanted my little boy to have those eyes. Instead, he got the same blue that I, my brother, and my mom have. They sometimes tend a little more towards gray, depending on what color we’re wearing. But my dad? His eyes never change - they are always the same vibrant pools of blue.

So while it’s nice that my boy has the exact eyes that I do, I wanted to pass on something else. The poor kid already has so many of my traits that it’s scary. He never even had a chance. I’m sure he’ll thank me (and never let me forget it) later.

I just had to share this pic that I made while goofing around with Picnik. I originally took it when I was trying to participate in a 365 project. I didn’t make it a whole year. But this was while I was in school, taking a literature class. On Proust. It was an amazing class. One day, I hope to reread all 6 books (In Search of Lost Time) at a slightly more leasurely pace. Ahem.

Okay, mothers. I’m a little miffed at you.

You and your secrets. Oh yeah, you tried to help me by telling me a few secrets here and there, things you swore no one talked about. The underbelly of motherhood. Things to watch for, things to help me keep my sanity.

But not one of you mentioned this. And I think I’m holding just a little bit of a grudge.

I heard that my body would change after childbirth. Of course it does! Things rearrange, get a little softer, a little saggier.

But not one of you told me how differently I would gain weight after having the Boobah. Are you feeling guilty yet? Well, doggone it, you should!

First, I had no idea it would be so freakin’ easy to gain weight. I lost weight pretty rapidly after the baby was born, and even kept it off for a while. But gradually, insidiously, it snuck back. All of it. And then some. I weigh as much as I did when I was 9 months pregnant. Heck, I probably look pregnant.

I am not happy about this.

Yet this is the worst part for me. It’s where I gain weight. I used to gain it low, in my abdomen. Now, it’s my abdomen, lower, higher, on the sides, on my back. THIS IS NOT FAIR. The weight is uncomfortable. It throws me off kilter. Makes me tired. Cranky. Unattractive.

Part of it is my activity level. And eating habits. I know that. But it is so much harder to motivate myself when I’m so stinking tired all of the time! Oh, and I hate to run. Hate it. I’m happy for you if you like it. It’s just not my thing. Not my bag, baby.

Walking, though, I can handle. So I am. I walked for 50 minutes today, and I’m going to try to do at least half that as often as possible. Because my back can’t handle the extra weight. My knees. And my eyes, when I look in the mirror.

And you moms are on notice. If there’s anything else you’ve neglected to share, you better spill now. Because this weight makes me cranky, too. And you won’t like me when I’m cranky.

Last Friday was my best friend’s birthday. She came over for a low-key dinner, to visit and to see the kid. And that kid loves playing with his auntie. She brought over a movie, one that she’d told us we needed to see. So we did.

Nacho Libre.

I hadn’t planned to see that movie. Like, ever. But it made her laugh, and she kept quoting from it. So we had to see it. These days, we could use all the laughs we can get, right? We knew it would be dumb. It was. Yet it was funny. And a distraction that I desperately needed.

If you’ve seen it, you’ll know the part of the movie I’m going to refer to. Nacho is at the market, buying some things, when he spots a pair of boots that he must have. And that’s when the Bubblegum song plays.

That’s when the Boobah started dancing. And we all cracked up. How could you not? Here’s this little - almost 3 foot tall - boy, moving his head from side to side, wiggling his little bottom, and grinning for all he’s worth.

So we replayed the song. Then his auntie got up, grabbed his hands, and danced with him while we sang the bubblegum part of the song. I wish I’d gotten it on tape. The pure joy in both their faces was awesome. My sides ached from laughing and my cheeks hurt from smiling.

That, my friends, was a perfect Friday night.

really, I am. I am still filled with so much sadness for Shana and disinterest in things past work obligations and holding my little guy as tight as I can. I will get my groove back at some point. I promise. Soon.

For the third time in less than a week, I am left heartbroken, sobbing, and unable to come up with the words to describe the sadness I feel at others’ pain.

First, it was my uncle.

Then, Maddie.

And now, Thalon.

I don’t know Maddie’s parents, but I do know Thalon’s mommy. And while I can’t even imagine her pain and sadness right now, I am trying to hold her in my heart. If you are able, please donate to help alleviate their medical bills and funeral costs. And maybe whisper a prayer while you’re at it?

(Paypal button & graphic courtesy of Whoorl.)